Seasons

A bond that cannot be broken.

2011-12-12T02:20:00.001+08:00

Bond.

An unbreakable bond.

Some people upon hearing this would probably tell themselves "I know about these bonds".

Well, yes. All of you do know this bond. This feeling of security and love so much that you'll never get tired of it. It'll never wear down, although sometimes there's holes and tears but this bond always manage to mend itself. Always manage to get hold of your deepest feelings.

However, like everything else in this world, to each person, this bond is different. Some have strong, some have weak. But nevertheless, it is there. Which is why to each person is unique. I'm pretty sure most people have a strong bond.

You know what I'm talking about.

Family.

I do not know everyone's relationship with their family or if any of their family members already passed away. Therefore, I apologize sincerely because I might have not known what you've been through. In that case, please allow me to give you a glimpse of what I feel for my family.

Family is like a house. You build the foundation out of love. The stronger the better. Once the foundation is laid out and then the pillars comes next. This is where the children came into play. Son and daughters is the pillars of a new home. The bricks are all the experience you get from your family. Each and every brick is different from one another. The more you have, the stronger your home is.

Next is the roof. The roof is what is the result of the love and experience together. The roof is the bond that I'm talking about. It shelters the home from being wet from the rain, or the heat from the Sun.

If you miss any one of those, the house is incomplete.

Let it be a big house, or a small house. Each one of them give a feeling like no other. Feeling of being belong to something. All of my experience, my family have been there for me. Let it be when I was ill or when I was taking my exam results or when I was sad. But I know my family would not be there for me forever. And when the time comes, I do not want to have any regrets.

I wish when the time come for me to serve my parents, I will not hesitate. Just like my parents did not hesitate to give me food when I was hungry. To clean me when I am dirty. To hold my hands as I learn how to walk. To listen to me when I learn to speak.

I hope this for you as well. Please learn something out of this. Parents will get old. They will move on someday. And you'll make your own family.

Have you not ever sit down together with your family and realize how many grey hairs your parents have? How they could not do the things that they use to do and needed your help? You're blind if you can't see this.

I often ask myself, what can I do? Most of the time, I couldn't get an answer. You know why? Because my parents never ask for anything. I'm sure the same for you too.

So please. Wherever you are, whether it's far or close to your home. Give your parents a hug. Give them a call. Tell them you miss them. Tell them you love them. Don't wait till Hari Raya to say these words. You'll never know what would happen.

Lets make du'a for our parents.

"All praise due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds, the most Merciful, please forgive all my sins, my friend's and my parents. Please protect my parents from the evil of their own souls and evil of others. Protect them from the fire of hell and open your gate of Jannah to them. Bless them with your blessings oh dear Lord. Love them as much as they loved me when I was a child. Care for them like they have cared for me. For you are the best Protector and the All-Forgiving. Amiin"

Thanks for reading.

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Weekend backpacking!

2011-10-21T03:41:00.001+08:00

This weekend I'm backpacking to Liverpool! :) I hope it's gonna be fun trip though! Well, I've always wanted to visit the Anfield stadium but I hope there's no home game this weekend! Otherwise, I'll just have to visit the Beatles museum then!

4-5 hours via bus to Manchester! An hour train to Liverpool! :) Kinda lame to talk about it but this is my first time touring UK via public transport! Haha :)

Well then, shall we not share the way of the prophets who always start their journey with a doa? :D

Bismillah :)

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Location:Dilston Rd,Newcastle Upon Tyne,United Kingdom

New toy!

2011-10-09T01:07:00.001+08:00

It's my new toy that I recently bought. Kinda cool huh? I feel like in the movies for owning one of this. Kinda adds to the room don't you think? Now this is what I called entertainment! :D

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Location:Dilston Rd,Newcastle Upon Tyne,United Kingdom

Dissection

2011-10-06T04:11:00.001+08:00

I know it's kinda of lame talking about cadavers and all, after been a year in med school. But I'm not planning on talking about it.

I'm planning to talk about people who post photos of their cadavers in social network sites. It disgusts me to see that these 'supposedly' professional students posts all about their cadavers in their twitter or facebook. How more embarrassing can it get? Being ignorant of medical ethics when you're in the line of medicine? Not to mention can be top shot too?

Those cadavers are not toys. They were people before same like you and me. They probably have a family, have kids. Heck, even a decent job. But they chose to give their body in order for the likes of us to study so that later on in life, we can find ourselves food to live.

So where is the respect for that? It's not easy to donate your body just like that. It takes courage and strength knowing at your body gonna be sliced up and your organs gonna be in formaldehyde most of the time. So please have respect for them.

Sadly, some people whom I feel shouldn't have done it, is a Muslim. Even in Islam, the dead are treated with utmost respect. Aurah is preserved even when you died. It is still haram to look at the dead's Aurah. We are allowed to do so because we're studying about it. As far as I know, posting dead body's photo with you posing in it on twitter or facebook isn't part of studying.

I wish this message reach to all med students especially Muslims. This is a message reminding you just in case you forget. Cheers! :)

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Location:Dilston Rd,Newcastle Upon Tyne,United Kingdom

Yet another year.

2011-10-05T05:55:00.001+08:00

Yes. Yet another year in med school. A 5-year conquest with books as my companion as well as cadavers. Not to mention stethoscope and pen torch for clinical skills. Life has been always as it is. Difficult.

Alhamdulillah. All praises due to Allah. I've passed my first year. And things are looking good so far. I have a home for shelter. Have a bed to sleep on.
Well, Second-year is pretty much heavier than first. 9500 word assignment is definitely sure to blow your mind away. Not to mention more clinical skills lab and dissecting. Which basically means more reading time and revision. I probably have less time than before to write in this blog but I'll try to update every now and then. It seems boring that this blog's last update was months ago. I hope I've got time.

Lately there's not much to do other than revising. Even then I haven't started mine yet. Such procrastination will definitely do harm to studies. I hope it's still early before it affects a lot. But hey! I've began my assignment work!

I guess you can count that as good news considering it's gonna be 9500 words(actually it's two assignments combined. One 5500words and another 4000)

Not much left to say though. I wish all PMR students good luck! And as well as to KMS students and Malaysian students everywhere in the world. No matter where you are, whether at home or overseas, I bid you guys all the best and good luck with your studies!

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Location:Dilston Rd,Newcastle Upon Tyne,United Kingdom

Hola Espana...

2011-04-20T04:18:00.004+08:00

I've been recently came back from a trip to Spain and France. I couldn't pretty much described how it was like, but Spain was a memory to keep. First was the driving part. Oh hell! I drove left-sided cars and yeah! It's really really damn confusing.

Each time you make a turn to a street, you have to becareful. Or else you might end up in the wrong direction!

Nevertheless, the memories of hardship and joy is a story that will forever be instilled in my heart. Sleeping in the car for few days and how terrible it is! Haha xD

How there is this one night in Granada that some bastards came to our car while we were sleeping and asked us to party! "Mi Amor! Fiesta! Fiesta!" which basically means, "My love! Party! Party!"

But turns out Granada was the best among all destination we've been in Spain. Oh the sheer beauty of that place is already incomparable to any other places I've been. There is this hill that overseas the whole of Granada and also the Palace of Al-Hambra which used to be a palace for a muslim kingdom.

On top of the hill, built a mosque....By the Saudi Arabia Kingdom. Oh how magnificent the mosque was with the marble floor and amazing architecture and crafts work.

Being in Spain, I saw and learned things. Ever since the Ummaiyid reign of the Muslim Caliphate, Spain was in the hands of the muslim world. Ruled for over 800 years, there are amazing work and architecture in Spain.

But you have to wonder when you're there! 800 years of the Muslims ruling, why are there only 2 mosque from their time? The mosque of Cordoba and the mosque of Toledo.

Strange isn't it?

A little history of Spain. At the year of 711, a muslim general known as Tariq Ibn Ziyat came to a piece of land from Maghreb which is now known as Morocco. That land has a steep hill which oversees the sea towards Maghreb. As he landed on the piece of land with his armada, he burned the ships and made the well-known speech to the Muslim world.

"Oh my warriors, whither would you flee? Behind you is the sea, before you, the enemy."

And hence, the conquest to conquer Espana began. That piece of Land is now known as Gibraltar which derived from the arabic word "Jabal Tariq" (The mountain of Tariq) after Tariq Ziyat.

Tariq Ziyat and his army conquered until the north of Spain and further conquest was done by his successors. From Gibraltar, to Barcelona, to Southern of France...

And soon, the Muslim Kingdom was established.

On the year 912, the Caliph Abd Rahman III moved his capital to Cordoba. There, he build a palace knows as the Medina Az-Zaharaa'. The palace itself was magnificent and beautiful. Sadly, that palace didn't last long. Turmoils between the muslim leaders leads to the vacancy of the palace and soon, people started looting things from Medina Az-zaharaa'. All that is left now is ruins. (So it is claimed by them)

The Cordoba mosque which now has been turned into Cathedral symbolizes the grand architecture of Islam. However, why build a Grand mosque is no one comes to the mosque? At that time, the muslim leaders were too succumbed to the pleasure of this world and Islam was neglected.

The christian monarchs saw this as an opportunity to rise and gradually push the Muslim kingdom further south.

At that point of time, the muslim kingdom was already torn apart and form 'Taifa'. It is an independent muslim government which does not have any relation to the caliphate. In the end, the only muslim kingdom was in Granada.

The reconquest of the christian monarchs to rule Spain took a century. In the year of 1492, the christians conquered Granada and expelled the Muslim Emirate. It was the same year Christopher Columbus discovered America.

When the Christian Monarchs took over Spain, they wanted to erase the very history of Islam but found that there are too many Grand architectures that just cannot be destroyed but to be valued. Today, there are only a dozen Islamic monuments left in Spain and sadly some of them were converted to cathedrals.

I learned a lot from the trip and I hope that one day, the glory of Islam would rise again. Amiin!

Mentaliti kita

2011-02-13T18:55:00.002+08:00

Saya selalu dipandang pelik oleh masyarakat Melayu kerana mempunyai nama "Foo". Tetapi saya ni membesar dalam masyarakat melayu juga. Fasih berkata-kata bahasa Melayu walaupun nama "Foo".

Malah lebih pelik kalau ade orang-orang Melayu, yang tahu pasal nama saya dan nampak saya solat di masjid.

Lagi pelik, ada sesetengah orang yang tidak senang melihat saya bergaul dalam masyarakat Melayu.

Pernah dulu dituduh orang mcm saya ni akan menjatuhkan ketuanan Melayu sebab saya ni sebenarnya orang cina bertaraf bumiputera.

Kadang-kadang lebih pelik apabila ade juga yang extremis yang menolak saya terus sebagai kawan sebab saya ni 'separuh' cina.

Ade juga yang agak pelik apabila tidak senang sekiranya saya berdekatan.

Yang paling pelik, saya ni tiada bangsa...

Sedih melihat bangsaku ini tidak membangunkan mentaliti sendiri. Dunia ni bukan untuk orang Melayu sahaja. Islam itu bukan untuk orang Melayu sahaja.

Pernah ku terfikir jika orang-orang sebegini, biar dia dicampak ke benua lain, dan bukalah mata itu. Melayu bukannya satu-satu bangsa di dunia ini. Melayu bukanlah Tuan bagi dunia ini.

Sedih membesar dalam keadaan sebegini. Seumur hidup saya, dipandang serong sesetengah masyarakat Melayu yang kononnya mereka adalah yang terhebat. Saya ini bangsa Melayu kelas dua sbb berdarah campur.

Satu hari nanti, mungkin bukan dalam tempoh masa hidup saya.....saya harap orang Melayu sedar akan mentaliti mereka yang mengongkong mereka selama ini. Jadilah orang yang hebat di dunia ini tapi janganlah menggadai integriti bangsa dan agama Islam itu sendiri.

Salam.

"Saya rakyat Malaysia"

Slacking

2011-02-10T22:56:00.001+08:00

Now is a pharmacology lecture. But i'm sitting at the back slacking my ass off! Luckily, there's recap! Ehehe! You have to say thank technology for this!Thank you Recap!

Depressing..

2011-02-10T18:25:00.002+08:00

It's getting really depressing nowadays. With work not progressing, and with lots of other troubles in mind, I feel I can't concentrate much with my studies. And I cant concentrate in lectures as well.

But I do understand whatever the lecturer were trying to teach. Just that I don't find the energy to write down notes even when it's early in the morning.

I am in a depressed state now. I'm not sure how to pop out of this state. But I better find a way to do so fast. Another assignment is coming soon...

I need to clear my mind. I hope I could have a break from all this for a while.

Sooner or later, I'll have to face this. Might as well face it now rather than running away from it..

Write more soon.

Regards,
Danial

Lecture..

2011-02-08T15:25:00.003+08:00

Nowadays, the very word 'lecture' invoke a surge of laziness in me! The technology of Recap made me feel like it's pointless to go to a lecture. But still, Recap isn't as good as it gets in the real deal.

Probably some of you wonder what is a Recap?

Well, most universities have this but probably by a different name. Recap is this recording system that records the slides of the presentation that the lecturer presents and the voice of the lecturer as well. It's a great technology if you wanna listen back to any difficult ideas that the lecturers were trying to convey. Or if you skipped class...

Skipping class eyh? Should I or should I not? ;)

I wonder...

2011-02-08T05:56:00.003+08:00

It's been ages since I've last seen my blog! Feels like a grown man looking over his childhood diary when I read back my posts. Those were the days when I have plenty of time in the world to write. But now, reality strikes. Amazingly how fast time passes me by. It seems like yesterday, the cold chilly air of Newcastle filled my lungs as I first step foot outside of the Newcastle International Airport. Now it's my second semester of my first year.

I have so much to say but so little time.

I'm not sure why I feel like I wanna blog again. Probably because there's this voice in my head that narrates almost anything that I do. Just like life writing about itself. I sometimes find myself sitting alone in the bus, looking out in the window to the clear blue sky, and I wonder.

I've reached so far...but there's more to reach out for.

The memoirs of my life, encrypted in my head starts to unravel itself. Flashes of memories starts to appear. One by one starts to be clear. The more I ponder, the weirder it gets.

Sometimes, when I walk through the plain field of grass, I started to wonder again. As the chilly wind sweeps on my face, stroking my hair back and forth, like a mother lovingly cherishing her child, I wonder...

I wonder when will it stop? But then again, every ending is a new beginning...

Updating! :)

2010-09-11T19:07:00.004+08:00

Hi everyone! It's been a while since I last post anything! Memang takde orang baca pun =.= Well, anyway, what I wanna talk about on this post is more about me flying somewhere.

Truth is, I really don't know what I'm feeling! It's enjoyable that you're going somewhere, but it sucks when reality struck you hard; you gotta live there alone and start new! -.-" But I guess I'll be making new friends and more adventures for me! Hey! That's not pretty bad!

I would love to find an adventure there! Easier said than done right? Haha...Who knows, all that I do over there might just be sitting in my room with my books and my laptop once in a while!

But I do want to have a story to tell to my future children! (InsyaAllah, bila dah kahwin laaaaa). Wouldn't it be nice to share with your loved ones?

Hmm...it's almost time! I only have few days left! I dun pack anything yet! Checklist pun tak buat! Visa pun tak siap lagi! -.-

This is going to be hectic soon! I can feel it :(

Oh great news by the way! I got myself a home dah kat sana! Address nya! Rahsia :) But it's kinda far from the university. I guess I'm gonna buy a bicycle there. I wonder if I can still ride a bicycle :)

Hmm...I've heard stories abt that place! Let's just see how true they are, shall we? Or perhaps...I'll find out and post it back here! :)

Nonetheless, I'll be far off somewhere soon! It's nice to know there are friends who are eager to know where I'm heading to! :) And some friends who wish me luck there. Oh yeeeeeeeah! I'll be needing it a LOT!

Okay! That's about it! Till next time :)

Oh yeeeeeeeeeahhhh! Before I forgot

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

Forgive my Harsh words....Forgive for any of my wrongdoings to whoever you are :)

Beyond every hardship, there's candy :)

2010-07-24T20:25:00.004+08:00

It was only few days ago when Pyan, Roni and Ainna flew to Melbourne to further their studies. Back then, I saw pyan's status.....My last day at Home. I fell into a sober...

I was happy for being able to fly. Who wouldnt? A sponsorship to study elsewhere in the world. Just the thought of that excites me! I was happy till I saw pyan's status abt his last day at home.

I love my parents and my family. I'm nothing if without them. Who is a man if not his father's son? It's just that I never thought it would be this hard. Seeing my sister flew away two years ago, I thought it would be a breeze for me to fly off. Heck! If she can do it, so can I!

But clearly it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy to have your heart fill with worries and uneasiness of what's happening at home. It wasn't easy to start a life somewhere without a family which is living almost 8000 miles away :(

I lived a happy life all this while. I guess its about time I taste hardship and experience life's most valuable lesson; Continue on Living no matter what. My parents are counting on me and I would try not to let them down. With this in mind, I know I can make it through...

Beyond the hardship of life, there's always candy :)

Closing down......Mayb not?

2010-06-30T01:37:00.002+08:00

Alright guys. It has been two years now for this blog. There are sweet times and there are bad times. Honestly, when I opened up this blog it was just for KMS. Now that its over....I guess this blog shud end up over too.

But....

I think there are rougher and tougher roads ahead of me. And my best days are yet to come. So, heck! The blog stays....(This is also to jaga hati Abg Amir who apparently reads this blog!)

Well, results is coming out next week and I'm starting to be nervous. Oh hell, when its exam time....you can pretend like nothings wrong but the results would show that something's wrong. Hmmm.....scary, tense, nervous, anxious.....What else to describe this feeling?

I dun want to talk more about it. It'll just gives me headache. So pray for me, and for batch 4 IB KMS. Pray that we all be able to fly and make our teachers, parents proud.

An ending of a beautiful chapter...

2010-05-21T19:22:00.003+08:00

Endings are hard. You can just pop out any beginnings but the endings are just impossible. You have to tie up all loose end and somehow there would be something that you'd missed.

Well, I guess this is an ending of a beautiful chapter.

I remember vividly two years back, on 24th of June 2008, when I first set foot in KMS. It was horrible! Every single cell in my body wants to run away! I even thought of staying in Klana Resort during my two years study here and take a part-time job in MaryBrown Centre Point to pay the bills. Smart eyh?

Well, that didn't work out. As much as I want to run away, I still have to go through this chapter of my life.

Two years ago...

"Hmmm.....is this a college? Its more like a military hostel. Why didn't I get Taylor's or KYUEM? Why must I get this college? This college is so terrible! The stairs in the academic block is like Hogwart's! Exactly like in the Harry Porter's, minus the moving stairs. Even that could be awesome!"

A long sigh came next. My brother looked at me and couldn't understand the feelings I had. No one did. I guess its just too hard for an ordinary school boy like me to suddenly move into hostel. But there's always a first!

"Belajar rajin-rajin! Kalau rindu, nanti mummy datang, ok?"

I nodded though deep inside I knew I don't like it here at all. I wish I could drive from Melaka to Seremban and back everyday!

"Mummy! Kalau titi (my name at home :D) tinggal kat Klana boleh?"

"Banyak cantek kau!"

"Alaaaaa...titi kerjalaaah...Bukannya sedut duit mummy daddy je"

"Jangan mengada! Ni kan best ni! Ramai kawan. Ramai perempuan"

"Perempuan? Apa kena mengena?"

We both chuckled. I knew she was trying to cheer me up. She knew I'm not familiar with hostels. Deep inside, I was still sad and troubled. Not to be able to sleep on my comfy bed and the chilling air-conditioner....What am I going to do??

That night, my mom called.

"Titi! Makan camne?"

"Boleh je. Tapi kalau dapat yang dari Melaka punya lagi best!"

"Hahahaaa....banyak cantek!"

"Handsome! Bukan cantek"

"Yer la. Anak mummy mana yang tak hensem!"

"Weeee!"

As much as I miss her, I guess she miss me even more. I realise from her tone of voice. She sounded sad. A tone I have never heard before. Never in my life. I guess I'm not the only one suffering.

This was two years ago. When my life in KMS had just begun. And now, I'm at the precipice of this IB programme. Many things has changed. I was wrong. I shouldn't have judged KMS for its place but for the people that made up KMS. The teachers, and the students. I have never experience such bonds before.

There's so much sweet memories here in KMS. The college might not be much, but trust me....the people in it is all there is about KMS.

During our mentor-mentee program, my mentor, Pak Lan, said

"Trust me! When you leave KMS later on, you'll miss this hell-hole"

I never believed him but I guess now I owe him an apology for that. I truly am going to miss KMS especially the people in it, now that it'll be gone.

Well, we all miss things when they are no longer in our hands don't we?

We only part to meet again....Goodbye KMS! I wish to meet you again. Till then....Thanks for everything.

THE END

Closer...everyday!

2010-03-21T00:34:00.003+08:00

Assalamualaikum W.R.T and A very good evening.

Dear Readers,

I want you to know that I would be stopping my blog for a while now. There isn't much posts lately and I've been busy with my studies and all.

Plus the fact that my time is running out.

I would not close it down because I want to continue when I have the time.

Day by day....Times running short. I just hope I can make it. Pray for me and pray for others as well. My final exam is close. Pray for my success and InsyaAllah I will pray for you too.

To Fiona! Drink water everyday! I might not be able to tell you everyday now, but I will remind you once in a while. Don't forget to study as well!

THE BEST OF LUCK TO IB BATCH 4 FOR THE COMING FINAL EXAM. MAY ALLAH BE WITH US!

Amiin!

Thanks! For reading and for your support! :)

Damn...

2010-03-16T20:16:00.002+08:00

Why is this happening to me???????

What have I done??? What have I done wrong?

I hate it when there were hopes and dreams....and it was shattered just like that. Why can't you even say why? What is wrong? I just want to know! At least tell me why!!!

DAMN!!!

Friends : Me & You...

2010-03-05T02:01:00.004+08:00

I have lost friends....and I have gained new ones. Each lost is a dear friend, but sometimes I had caused the lost.

At times, I want to turn back the time and just stop myself from causing it, but I'm not in the power to do such. So, why am I whining here?

I just want to apologise. To those that I've been ignoring, trust me that I'm not ignoring you because of your weaknesses or your history or your mistakes towards me. When the day comes, I will tell you why I did it. I just hope that I'm strong enough to tell and you'll forgive me for it.

I cannot say how much I miss being a good friend to you. I may seem like I don't care but trust me, deep down I miss it. That person reads this blog once in a while. If that person reads it, I hope that person realise that I'm talking about you.

Its been a while my Friend....But it won't be anytime soon before things get back as they were. At least not until IB ends...

Till then, I hope you understand....

P/s : I hope you know that the Mitotic Orange is for you... :D

Happy Belated Birthday Daddy (A kiss for my Father)

2010-02-25T22:37:00.004+08:00

It has been 5 days since my Father's Birthday. I hadn't had the free time to write an entry for him. I thank God that my Father lives yet another year. I'm sure you guys have read the entry before this. I love my Father and my family a lot. On the day, I recalled an incident which also made me cry every single time I remembered it.

The air was cold and the night was really quiet. Only the TV was on and I was sitting beside my father's bed. Having a corporate insurance, my dad was admitted to a single bed ward. Though sounds nice, but it wasn't close to comfortable. I was sitting on the sofa, gazing through the glass window, overlooking the buildings outside.

My dad and mum was sitting side by side on the side bed. They were whispering something of which I couldn't catch what it was. My brother was sleeping right beside me. I remember the room was gloomy. My dad had to undergo an operation, and being sick before(the one that he was admitted into ICU), his risk was 5 times higher than the usual operation. I convinced my dad to undergo the surgery and I'm certain that it will improve his health.

He turned off the TV and the air was still. No sound was heard, not even a sound of breath. The room was really quiet...

"Ti (A name that my parents call me), come here" My dad said....

"Yes daddy?"

"Come and sit down. Grab a chair will you?"

I followed his intructions and took a chair and sat right in front of him. Beside him was my mum. I couldn't tell what was it all about, but I guessed it wasn't gonna be a fun talk.

My dad took out a notebook and a pen.

He asked me to write down whatever that he's saying. And when he started to talk, I was shocked!

My dad was asking me to write his will. I wasn't prepared for any of this. I looked at my dad, seeking for a truth or perhaps a certainty in his eyes....but it seems he hid it well. I knew he was devastated and I too was devastated.....

All I wanted to do was to hug him and kissed him at that time. I wanted him to say that he will make it out of the surgery. I wanted him to tell me that everything is gonna be fine. That he will walk out one day out of the hospital, and I'd laugh to his jokes. I wanted him to tell me that he'll be there when I graduate from college. I wanted him to promise me that he'll be okay...

But he never did. He kept on talking. And I kept on writing. As I wrote, my heart was broken. It was only days after my eighteenth birthday and that night my dad said "I want you to take care of the family if anything were to happen to me. I want you to be a leader. I want you to guide this family as you did when I was in the ICU. I know you can do it. I know you will do it"

As a child who barely turned 18, I was crying inside. A burden to bear as a leader of a family. How do I even know where to start? My dad once told me that you'll know what to do when you're ready. But am I ready? Will I make it? Will my family prevail if anything were to happen to him?

He's the heart and soul of the family. He's the pillar that we all hang on to. If he's broken, I'll be the one to replace that pillar. But am I strong enough to uphold the burden?

When we were finished, I stood by the glass window and cried. I don't know whether my dad heard me or not but I sure was crying silently. I couldn't count the number of times I cried for my dad. Each time remembering all this could bring me to tears.

I never slept that night. I couldn't. The room was really quiet. Everybody's sleeping but I wasn't. I stood by my father's bed. He was fast asleep.

I examined his face, never wanting to forget his looks if anything were to happen to him. I came up close to him and kissed his forehead. I even hugged him thinking that it could be my last hug for my father. There was this feeling of the uncertainty that really frightens me. Tomorrow is a mystery, and it will forever be that way.

I sat back on the sofa, reminiscing all my sweet memories with my father. As I glanced outside the window, I fell into a deep sober. Will everything be ok tomorrow? That's a question that kept me awake all night long....

The reason I wrote this is to tell you guys what I've been through as an eldest son. It was tough and it never was easy. I'm grateful to Allah S.W.T for giving me this test of faith. For without it, I wouldn't have know the true meaning of family and responsibility.

I am most grateful to Allah S.W.T for giving my father a second chance of living. Syukur Alhamdullilah....

Kisses for my Father

2010-02-12T00:07:00.007+08:00

A year ago :

Pak lan walked into the class with a piece of paper in his hands. He came in and greeted us as we greeted him. He held up the paper and said :

"I want you to do these assignments during your one-month semester break. First assignment, kiss your father in the forehead. Alright, some people might not have the courage to do so, but I'd understand. I, myself couldn't have the courage to kiss my father on the forehead. Only after 10 years I mustered enough courage to do so. However, there was no reaction from him (He chuckled). So, I hope you guys can do it. It's okay if you bail out in the middle of the way. After the holiday, I'll ask each and everyone of you to write about what happened while doing these assignments."

Present day :

Pak Lan entered the class as usual, right on time. He came with a bundle of paper in his hands. Slowly, he called names each and everyone. After that he said :

"This is the essay that I asked you to wrote and I promised that I'd return the essays to their respective owners after a year. And now, I'm keeping my promise. Let me ask you this, do you find it weird to know that you're the one writing this? Would you have enough courage to do the same? Is it what you did was only because of the assignment that I gave to you? Let me give you 10 years and do you think you can the same as you did last year?? It is every father's dream to be kissed by his children. Though he did not express his reaction, but deep down in his heart, he'd feel all the things that he done was worthwhile."

Deep down in my heart, I was thinking. I think it's about time that I tell everyone what happened during the 7th of November till 13th of November. I was absent from college for a week(the week before exams). It's the least that I could do after hiding the truth from everyone.

My dad had this business trip in Laos. He was supposed to be there for just 3 days. I remembered the evening that I called him before his flight depart. We talked and I told him have a safe journey....What I wasn't aware was it could be my last talk with him....

After the third day, he returned to Malaysia. Within 2 hours after reaching home, he got hospitalised immediately. He got pneumonia, pulmonary oedema, lung infection and a major heart attack. He had only minutes left if we weren't hurry...I never stop blaming myself...And I can't find the reason...And till today I'm still blaming myself for it....

I remembered as my father was in the Emergency Room, my mom was sobbing and I couldn't help but to shed tears as well. My dad was half-dying, and my mom couldn't accept that fact. I never stop blaming myself....for not able to do anything...

The doctor is a close friend of mine. She told me that they need to be quick if my father was going to be saved...My dad was immediately warded in the ICU.

That night my world was dark. To tell you the truth, I wasn't afraid of death anymore. I was more afraid of the death of my loved ones rather than the death of my own. Dying seems a lot easier than facing what I had to faced....The uncertainties of the future...

I remembered clearly that as I walked into the ICU room and found my father unconcious....I cried my heart out in front of my mom and my brother. It was the first time ever I cried that hard....It was the first time they saw me crying....I couldn't help it to see my father lying so lifeless on the hospital bed.

I called out his name and there was no reaction. No noding...No shaking...not even a blink....

I walked to his side and bent over to kiss him over the forehead and said "I love you Daddy...Please come back...I need you now more than ever....I need your guidance to guide our family...I need you! Don't go just yet. There's so much I need to talk to you....You promised you'd come back....Please DON'T GO..."

My tears dropped onto his cheek....Somehow, I felt so desperate....I'd sacrifice anything to be with him again....

I returned to KMS because of the 3rd semester exam and it was his 11th day in ICU. I was devastated. I had to return because of the exam but I knew that I never wanted to be away from my family...Not at times like this...

As I step my foot at Gate B, I looked up in the sky and prayed to Allah give me the strength that I needed.

Tomorrow is biology paper. Books laid in front of me but my attention was far away at home. How can I answer tomorrow's paper when my heart is at home??

Suddenly, there was a buzz. My phone vibrated and the screen says "Mummy"..

Cold blood rushed to my face. Chilly fingers dance along my spine....

"Please don't let anything happen" I muttered....

A faint and distinct voice was in the phone....I knew that voice eversince I was a baby. It was my dad's.

I was rejoiced. No words can describe it. Though we could not talk much but I remember a line said by him...

"I fight in a battle for my life, and you fight in a battle for your future. Together we'll win the war"

Somehow those words inspired me and burned me with spirit and hope. I was determined to nail this semester exam eventhough I only had 4 hours every night to study. It was more than enough I told myself that time. I don't even know who am I....It was like a whole different person.

And so, semester 3 ended with 40 points. An achievement that I'd never thought I'd be able to get. I struggled hard to get 39 points in sem 2, but somehow that 4 hours was like a month's preparation.....

Do you know the joy when I told my dad about my semester 3 results? Why is it different from the other sems? Its because I nearly lost someone I hold very dear of. Somehow, I managed to lead my family in times of crisis.....and I still able to make them proud. I want to make my very existence worthwhile to them. I want them to feel proud of me, no matter where they are, or what will be...

Nobody knows how much tears I have shed while writing this post. Nobody will ever understand what it felt when you almost lost someone you hold dear. Perhaps only those who've been through these would understand.

I salute to all fathers in the world today and for the days to come for I had the chance to be like one for a few days. I led my family through times of crisis just as all fathers would do for their family. All this while I thought mothers are the most important person in a family but it turns out fathers are equally important as well.

Sometimes women says nasty things about men, but they had never been through what I've been through. They wouldn't know. They wouldn't know how important men in a family. How men would create order from chaos....How men had to stay calm and show no fear to their families when everything around them is not right...How men would have to be firm and steady when everything is crumbling around them.... So, in the end, I can only chuckle at their foolishness. Silence doesn't mean I'm stupid....

What happened to my father also taught me about hope. I once had the idea that once you're hoping, you put a halt to your efforts and starts to put rely on something else such as miracles to make things happen...

But I realise now the true meaning of hope...

"Hope is not a resignation of mind, but rather a state of mind to gain strength on whatever that we have left, whatever that had happened, whatever that is going to happen. Hope is a way to be free from fear. A man musn't give up hope but rather rely on hope to obtain the best of strengths to be free of fear"

I've learned to hope again...

Incidents of an Accident...

2010-02-06T18:34:00.003+08:00

I was taking a stroll towards the closest store in the neighbourhood. The birds are chipping, cool breeze blowing at my face, and green colour of the trees gave a relaxation that I needed. As I was taking my time to walk, I looked around searching for any presence of cars. Clearly there was none, and I happily crossed the street.

I grab my phone in the pocket and select Music Player and it was playing songs that made my day even better. As I walked, there was a white car coming in fast from the opposite direction. The driver must have been in hurry.

So, judging by the way the driver drove, I stood back trying not to get into the way of the car.

However, as the car passes by, it tried to dodge a parked car across the street. And by that the driver sliced hard left and the car hit me.

I was knocked 5 metres away with blood oozing out of my mouth. I quickly stood up and the driver walked out of the car.

"Sorry! Sorry! Saya tak nampak awak! Telepon 999!"

I stood up but something was wrong. My ribs and legs are damn painful. I collapse instantly...Unable to withstand the pain. I screamed my lungs out.

I needed help! I needed Morphine....

The taste of blood in my mouth is unbearable. I spat out most of the blood, trying not to get choked by my own blood. The driver clearly panicked...

I took a glance at my side and saw my phone was broken into pieces.

I tried to stay conscious but at the rate of the pain, I knew I was going to pass out in just minutes. I did everything to stay awake. I bit my tongue and lips...

My ribs was killing me, I kept putting an arm across it, trying to minimize the pain....

And then....everything went dark....

Feeling down...

2010-01-31T11:09:00.002+08:00

I can't help myself to feel down...I wonder why is that...Is it because of someone? Or is it because of things that is happening around me?

I have long search for the truth in me, and for once I've found it deep within parts of my heart that isn't opened for a long time. The part of the missing pieces.

Perhaps what I've been feeling these past few days is just a mirage....or just a way for me to run from the truth. I never actually explored the feelings that I had. I'd just played along.....

But now, it has never been more clear than it is...

Imperfection

2010-01-30T13:41:00.003+08:00

We are all an imperfection. Is there anyone disagreeing on this statement? I challenge you to come forward....

The truth is that we are imperfect and we are created this way. How on earth are we claiming that someone's better than you if we all know that each and everyone of us is imperfect? How come his/her flaws is not seen? How come our flaws are obvious to some people?

What we see in others is what we choose it to be. Why someone is seen so perfect but not all of us is seen that way? Why that person is chosen instead of others?

When we are being compared to someone who are better than us....why the need of the moroseness?? Why aren't we grateful that our weakness is being shown to us?

I know it sucks to be compared with someone better than us. It really is....I hate it too, but does that stop me from being who I am?

Being imperfect is what makes us perfect. Our flaws made us different from one another...makes us unique....

We are not for what we are meant to be, but who we were born to be....And we are born to be human. And being human is that we should realise our flaws and accept them....That is the truth of imperfection...

Update

2010-01-24T01:06:00.003+08:00

It's been a long time since I last update thing blog. About a week....Sorry for not writing anything at all. I'm not well for the past few days... :)

So, what is there to write here today? Let's see...

I had two interviews last week, which was very fun. I bought someone subway...I wanted to gave her a treat, but she insisted on paying.

I got two treats from two different person! :D

Played ping pong and lost 7 sets, win 6 sets....

I played ping pong against Harith (wakil kolej for ping pong)...I lost 11-8, 11-11(2-0), 11-11(2-0)....See! I can actually match up against him :D

I get to know new friends....during interview :D

I went window shopping at KLCC after interview...

Ate at secret recipe in PJ!

Took pictures of a garden of the PJ8 building....

What else did I do last week?? LOL....that pretty much it... :D

The World According to Me...

2010-01-17T11:13:00.003+08:00

If one day I was granted the power to change the world, here are some of the lists that I would want to have...

1. The nations combined altogether and form an alliance.

2. The alliance is led by me :P

3. I'll announce that McD, Burger King, and KFC should be under the government's control...so that I can have burgers for free :D :D

4. There would be Subway for every 500m radius in major cities...so that people can enjoy the sumptuous, juicy, mouth-filling sandwiches.

5. Not to mention, every home would get at least 4.0mbps internet connection with 90% packet data transmission. Which means that if you download 1.0 GB file, it'll only take around 5 mins :D :D :D

6. Free lunch toys for kids!! Haha...

7. All militaries personnel are to sworn allegiance to me alone :P

8. I'll have so much luxury cars, that I don't know which one to look at... :P

9. Oh yeah, I'll live the Burj Dubai...

10. Or perhaps the Birmingham Castle would be my new home...

11. About a wife....I'll get to that later :)

12. I would like to build like a dome to cover the whole of Malaysia....and then put on a massive air conditioner, so that it won't be so hot :D :D

13. Oh yeah, I almost forgot...perhaps I'll give KMS some money...since they are really short of it :) :)

14. I'll tranfer the Jews into the North Pole...(Honestly, they're not doing us any good here...just my two cents :D)

15. I think I want to learn how to fly a jet fighter. Or ride a tank!

16. Last of them all....I want to have a happy family to live with....for the rest of my life :)

Headache...

2010-01-14T03:49:00.002+08:00

I'm really tired of listening to your relationship problems....YES, I do have the reputation to save some relationships, but I'm thinking of not doing this anymore. Please, I'm really really tired of it.

Listening to your problems really make me feel that there is no such thing as a happy ending. It gotta end bad somehow. Whatever you seen in the movies are fakes! They never existed....

Life is not what about you've lost...Its what about you've already got. Let your past be the past! Don't let it linger around you anymore. That's what I've been trying to tell everyone...You are who you are right now...Not who you WERE...

I know I'm just a dumpsite for your problems...but do you consider how I feel??? Watching people come and go in my life! Without leaving any footprints....

Do you know what it's like to know them so quick and so deep...and then the next day, pretending nothing happened? Like we never talked and never met???

Hmmm.....Enough is enough! After this, I'm not going to listen anymore. Only to those I think I'm close to....The rest, you can find others that willingly to listen and to carefully judge your situation. I'm done.....

That's it for me...

Hmm...

2010-01-12T23:55:00.000+08:00

In a state of depression...

There was a fight today...

2010-01-09T17:03:00.002+08:00

A plate of rice was on my table. Each grain of rice was tickling as though they are shouting "Eat me!!." I took a scoop with my spoon, and slowly partitioned the rice into just enough for a bite. The food court is filled with sumptuos food and smell that can trigger your appetite..

Suddenly, there was a scream. Then, I can hear kitchen utensils falling down hard! From a distance I could saw two silhouettes. As the shadows became clear, I can see their faces....

I could tell that one person was bleeding profusely on his face....

I jumped off my seat! Rushing towards the scene of action.

There were two person fighting each other!! I'm strong enough to handle and to stop them both...because I did it before.

As I was hurrying to the scene, I could see other people just sat down and closed their ears...as though there was an annoying sound that disturb their lunch. Why can't they even help??

When I got close...I was about to grab hold one of them but suddenly! It was a girl!

I stopped! I stood there quietly! Without doing anything....

I told myself I gotta help that guy....but I just can't...

In the end, I stood there alone feeling guilty for that guy bleeding....There were another two guys that came along and helped. I just stood there and watched them...

I just can't help to disperse that fight! One of them was a girl! I can't be rough to a girl! I just can't! Not to a girl that isn't causing me any harm....

Probably she got her own reason to attack that man....I don't know. But if it was two guys that were fighting...Yes! I could have stopped them both...

But there's a girl! How could I? One thing is that I can't touch her....Another thing is that I can't possibly be rough to her! I can't grab her clothes and yank her aside! Hmmm....what should I do then? Talk like a close friend???

So, in the end...the other two guy that helped both of them. They were quite rough, but the fight was ended. They were chinese guys...Unfortunately, the ones fighting were malays....It was strange why other malays wasn't even trying to help! Its sad....

So, in the end....its just another fight...

I gotta a feeling...

2010-01-05T01:09:00.004+08:00

It was 11 years ago, when a young small boy first enrolled himself into the primary school. It was frightening and yet at the same time was exciting.

The night before the big day, he sat on his bed wondering of tomorrow. It was a mixture of feeling.

Sad - for leaving home
Frighten - wondering about new friends and tomorrow is a mystery
Happy - for meeting friends
Anxious - learning new things

There are a dozen more that he felt that night. Everytime he gave thought of it, he got cold fingers tickling his spines.

That night he tried to sleep but it seems that his adrenaline rush was too much for him. He was staring blankly to the fan that seems to spin endlessly on the ceiling.

Once in a while his thoughts wander off to his new school.

Sadly, he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to go to school unlike any other kids. He still thinks that he should be in kindergarten school. Yet, his age defies his intention of staying in the kindergarten.

That night he went on thinking.....went on thinking till his head hurts.

Today....it seems old habits die hard. Everytime before he goes to sleep, he would find something to think of. Whether it is a person, or an event, or an incident...there'll always be something to think about.

He would sometimes take hours before he sleeps...sometimes just minutes...but no matter what, he will give something a thought. It has become his habit for the past 11 years, which began when he was only 7 years old.

And now he's in college. Doing International Baccalaureate and in his final sem.

He's good looking though, plus charming from the inside. A guy with some sense of humour and with a lot of deep thought.

What is sad is that the only thing that he cannot resist is loneliness. Every night when he goes to sleep, one thing is a must that he gave a thought on is the loneliness in his life. Though the amount of friends that he have, he still feel he was enclosed in a cage, far away from people...far away from friends.

Many do no understand him, much less try to understand him. Perhaps only one person ever knew who he really is. But none know what he always think about.

Everyday he gotta a feeling...
Everyday I gotta a feeling...

That today gonna be a lonely day...

The Dawning Saga : The return of KMS

2010-01-02T14:43:00.002+08:00

I'm sure that each and everyone of you are suffering the same fate as I am(those who study in KMS of course). It is less than 24 hours now that we have to return to KMS and fulfill our obligation as a student.

What's more? Its the last sem for seniors with barely 4 months to finish the course.(For juniors, you guys have a long way to go..). I kinda starting to feel the jitters. Its finally approaching to an end. It was about a year ago when I thought, IB had no ending. Part of it yeah! Such as CAS.

When I first set foot in KMS, I told myself "This is a hell-hole. I must get out of here! I will never ever want to come back here again."

I told Pak Lan the same thing during our mentor-mentee meeting. He chuckled and said "You'll miss this place somehow! Trust me on this"

True enough, he is right. I will miss KMS when IB comes to an end. I succumbed to that feeling somehow that KMS has one of the best memories in my life. Classmates, friends....all contributing to that sweet memories.

Hahaa...talking about sweet memories, there are also bitter ones. Like assignments, EE, TOK essay, IAs...

"When something is hard to earn, you'll cherish it even more." I believe the IB is the perfect example for this saying. You'll agree with me somehow on this one ;)

Anyway, the return of KMS this time is something to look forward to (I'm just saying this...not really show how I feelt though :P).

Everyone! With the courage of men! With the will of Iron! Let's do our best! For it is our future that is at stake~

2010

2009-12-31T19:46:00.003+08:00

What is there in 2010???

Will it be the same as 2009? Does anything will change?

YES! Everything will change...Everything has taken its course now. My world will never be the same again. (part of it yeahh...)

P/s : Hmm....the pain is subsiding. Though it strikes at times..... :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my BLOG READERS !!

Thanks for reading!

What does it mean?

2009-12-29T22:53:00.002+08:00

What does it mean when you can hardly walk straight because of the pain?

What does it mean if you take about a minute just to get up from a lying position because of the pain?

What does it mean if you cannot sit properly because of the pain?

What does it mean when your ribs are killing you sometimes?

What does it mean when you have to hold yourself from screaming when the pain strikes?

What does it mean when you can no longer sit for long hours??

Welcome to my Life~

Sigh...

2009-12-29T03:13:00.000+08:00

Apa nak jadi ngan aku nih??

Too tired already...

2009-12-25T21:52:00.005+08:00

This is the 6th day in hospital. I'm very tired already. I only slept 2 hours for the past 3 days...Trying to get some sleep but I can't. Lets just say that I have an obligation...

Well, I'm freaking tired until something happened...Let me share it with you.

I was doing my EE over the computer when suddenly the lights went off..

Aku : "Eh? Nape lampu off plaaaaaakkk????"

Mummy : "Mane adeeee!"

Aku : "Yer ke????"

Suddenly, there were lights back in the room. It was awkward and bizarre...

Aku : "Eh? Dah ade balik!"

Mummy : "Ish kau ni, mane ade lampu tertutup"

Rupa-rupanya, mataku dah tertutup untuk tido....tp mindaku masih belum shut down lagi. Serius tak perasan! Hahahaa....penat sungguh! Bila kita terlampau penat, badan kita akan tutup sendiri, tp minda kita cuba sedaya upaya untuk melawan keinginan badan itu.

I don't know how long I can last...But definitely not that long...I'm getting tired by the minute.

Plus its very cold here...

This is a New Template

2009-12-25T20:56:00.003+08:00

This is the new template...Well? Do you guys like it??

Anyway, just leave your comments and also your link if you can...I lost your link :(

If only....

2009-12-21T22:55:00.003+08:00

Nobody can tell how I feel tonight. Or how I would feel when the time has come tomorrow. I stare out the window, overlooking at the people down below. They look so happy, and I just seem to forget that feeling anymore.

If only the world could understand, even if one person understand how I feel tonight...It's more than enough.

The fate of my life depends on tomorrow. I just keep praying eveything gonna be alright.

It was only just now when I stared out the window, I realised I had tears welled in my eyes. I hadn't cried in a long time before...But tonight it seems different. The wonder of tomorrow, the fear for tomorrow...

If only you could understand...If only any of you could glimpse of what I'm facing...

I have lost my courage, and I have lost my will. But I'm trying to gain strength from Hope.

The past two months have taught me the true meaning of hope...

Hope is not a resignation of mind, but rather a state of a mind to gain strength on whatever that we have left, whatever that had happened, whatever that is going to happen. Hope is a way to be free from fear. A man mustn't give up hope, but rather rely on hope to obtain the best of strength to be free of fear.

And so dear God, please help me!

2009-12-17T03:20:00.005+08:00

I really wish that you guys understand how I feel. Why I'm always sober all the time. I wish I could tell all of you what I'm going through...

All this while I have to pretend I'm happy while I'm not. All this while I'm pretending that I'm cheerful but deep inside, I'm really afraid....

I really wish you guys would understand....Oh perhaps, I need someone to talk to.
I dig deep within myself to find the courage that powered me all this while. It seems that it has been used up.

I'm serious this time...No more jokes.

This time, only God can help me...

P/s : Salam Awal Muharram buat semua pembaca blog Danial Foo

Will you be my ...... ?

2009-12-16T16:06:00.003+08:00

Lalala~

Lets begin shall we?

1

2

3

Hello everyone, my name is Danial Foo. I'm from the historical city of Malacca.

CUT~~!!

Alrite....I know I'm a jerk at times, and I suck at being a friend....but hey! That's just me...annoying little brat (Not sure about the "little" though)

Hmmm....I wonder why so many people like to say I'm pushing them away? Like not letting them coming close.....

Oh ya! That's because I like to keep things to myself and I don't really like people to see what I'm thinking all the time....It makes me feel free. Although occasinally I feel like being kept in prison, but everything has its ups and downs :P

Let's work it out shall we?

Knowing someone isn't just about knowing their names, their birthdays, their birthplaces....but its about knowing how they'd feel, how they'd react and how they'd lie ( erm...this is true )

Anticipating someone's reaction isn't exactly fun, but the point of it is to react complementarily with his/her reaction, making that person feels secure around you. Now that is a friend...

Friends care for one another but somehow, I'm sure there's a lot of friends out there who don't show their care for some friends. I mean, you chose to hide it and care for her/him behind that person's back...how would you expect to get the same care as you did?

If you really care, then you must show it. At least let the person know.....I know it sounds like showing off, but sometimes its best to let others know rather than to keep it hidden. Because in the end, it'll come back to you somehow...

Hahahahaaaaaaa!! I'm really suck at this...but will you be my friend?? :D

(I'm guessing everybody gonna run away from me now :P )

Routine

2009-12-14T23:53:00.002+08:00

I wonder why when I read people's blog, I'd really love to ramble but when it comes to my own...there's no idea what to write. It's weird that these ideas came flowing like the rush of seven seas when I read someone's blog. Plus, those ideas had got nothing to do with the posts in that blog.

Hmm...seem to be running out of ideas.

But for now, I'd like to write my activities at home.

1. I'd go online....go to youtube, recom, facebook, this blog, check my e-mails, world news....

2. I'd surf people's blog....

3. I'd stop going online...

4. I'd try to find something to do.

5. I play guitar ( Recently, this is my daily routine )

6. I'd drop dead on the floor

7. I'd wake up alive and head to the kitchen.

8. Open the fridge....One fridge is full of chocolates and things to eat...another fridge full of soda drinks, fruit juices....and all that stuffs....Not interested and go back to the living room.

9. Open computer again....check my online stuffs.

10. Lie down on my bed and start doing some thinking....

11. If i'm lucky...then I can go to sleep :D

Thats all folks!!

Bahasa Baku :)

2009-12-13T17:01:00.003+08:00

Kadang-kadang saya kena tulis dalam bahasa Malaysia supaya saya tidak rasa kekok bila menulis nanti. Tetapi bahasa Malaysia saya tidaklah sehebat saudari Farhana Rosli mahupun Saudara Hosni.

Walaubagaimanapun, saya terpaksa juga menulis dalam Bahasa Malaysia.

Post ini ditujukan khas kepada semua sahabat saya terutamanya yang rapat dengan saya tidak kira pada zaman persekolahan ataupun zaman kolej saya.

Saya cuma ingin mengatakan bahawa yang saya ini bersyukur sangat-sangat kepada yang Ilahi kerana mengurniakan sahabat seperti anda semua.....terutamanya sahabat rapat saya.

Namun begitu, kewujudan salah faham sentiasa akan ada di antara sahabat-sahabat. Bahkan suami isteri pun kadang-kadang tersalah faham, apatah lagi bagi sahabat-sahabat. Justeru itu, saya menyusun sepuluh jari memohon kemaafan sekiranya saya tersalah faham, ataupun menyebabkan salah faham.

Richard Marx - Now and Forever :D

2009-12-08T12:49:00.004+08:00

You know...."Now and Forever - Richard Marx" is a love song. This song means that someone has came into his life when his world was down. The person that came to his life, changed everything about him. He feels that this person is somehow special to him and he wants to her man for now and forever.

Here are the lyrics

Whenever I'm weary from the battles that rage in my head
You make sense of madness
when my sanity hangs by a thread
I lose my way but still you seem to understand
Now and forever I will be your man

Sometimes I just hold you
Too caught up in me to see
I'm holding a fortune that heaven has given to me
I'll try to show you each and every way I can
Now and forever I will be you man

Now I can rest my worries and always be sure
That I won't be alone anymore
If I'd only known you were there all the time
All this time
Until the day the ocean doesn't touch the sand
Now and forever I will be your man
Now and forever I will be your man

Well, overall....its a wonderful song. I'm playing this song instrumental version. And probably i'll try to play the song version as well.

Hey Cutie :D

2009-12-05T21:19:00.002+08:00

After my interview, I went for lunch. There was this restaurant that serves a lot of food, and kinda expensive too. My mum was at the front and I was behind her. Suddenly, there's a girl the intercept us. She was facing towards my mum.

From her uniform, I realise that she's a waitress but why the hell is she waiting in front of me. She turned her head to look at me suddenly. It was awkward at first. She nodded and I nodded. Then she looked back at the front.

Huh?? I said to myself...What's wrong with this waitress? She don't even take orders...=.="

Then she looked back again....I nodded and then she nodded. Then she looked up in front.

Harrr??? I was just about to say what I'm gonna have for my drinks...she already turned her head to the front. =.=

It was rather annoying....but she still did it for the third time. Then, I thought that was really cute....

I chuckled and so did she. Hahahaaaa......

She is cute. Medium built, cute face....about my shoulder's height. Hahahaa....and she's lively too :D

Interview

2009-12-02T00:27:00.000+08:00

I haven't prepare any shit for my interview....Crap, I'm starting to feel nervous already. Any ideas, or tips for me? I need it badly...

Finally...

2009-11-10T12:27:00.000+08:00

Finally....A glimpse of hope...

Unbearable...

2009-11-09T20:55:00.002+08:00

The pain is too much for me to bear....Pray for me and pray for my family...

P/s: I will not return to the college for the whole week. Maybe even the week of semester exam. I can't tell when exactly I'll return. So, I'm sorry if I break any promises that I made. Goodbye.

Heartbroken...

2009-11-07T22:59:00.003+08:00

My mother cried today. It shatters my heart seeing her cry. I can't help but to cry too. Tears was welling in my eyes. But I keep reminding myself,

"You're the oldest son. You can't afford to show your weakness. You must lead when in times of trouble."

I hid my emotions, not letting it to take over me. I have to be strong.

I don't think I'll be back to the college for the mean time. I can't....Something happened...It's an emergency...I must go.

Spices of KMS... :D

2009-11-07T00:01:00.006+08:00

I have met so many people in KMS this year. I thank god for letting me meeting each and everyone of them, cause they spiced up my life.

I have met people who do not eat chicken...well, one of them got allergy, but the other one doesn't eat for a reason :)

I have met people who sings MARA song in the toilet.

I have met people who share similar root as I do.

I have met people who loves to sleep. (This is beyond the ordinary level)

I have met people who always misplace things.

I have met people who are always happy-go-lucky.

I have met people who are always stressful.

I have met people who always study.

I have met people who loves to make weird faces.

I have met people who are able to burst me into anger.

I have met people who are very sincere.

I have met people who are so devout, making me envy them....waking up at 5 am for qyammullail.

I have met people who are brilliants in their respective fields.

I have met people who love guitar as much as I do.

I have met people who like to eat food as much as I do...perhaps more :)

I have met people who loves table tennis as much as I do... :D

I have met people who hates table tennis too... :(

I have met people who change the way I perceive things

I have met people who are able to obtain my highest level of respect

I have met people who care for me as much as I care for myself.

I have met people who are there for me in difficult times.

I have met people who left me, when the times are getting difficult.

I have met people who change the person I am...

I have met people who wakes up at 7.50 am for class. Some at 8.00 am also... :)

A message for you....Island girl

2009-10-31T13:42:00.005+08:00

I'm in one hell of a dilemma. I don't know how to explain it, but I'm in a mess right now. Haha, to someone that I know, If you think I'm being too nice....or as though I'm trying to be close to you....well, I'm not. It's just the way I am. I think my classmates know that eventhough they won't admit it...Don't worry, I'm not into a blind relationship with someone that I know very little of :P

Heheheeeee......the truth is I enjoy your company, but you're acting a little different nowadays. It is clear enough that you're trying to avoid me. I want to tell you straight at your face but I'm scared that you're embarassed. I don't know whether she even reads this blog or not. But, if she does, I hope the message gets to her.

Well, to make sure that not the wrong person gets this message....she and I are from the same Island....I guess, only she knows what this means... :)

Forgiveness...

2009-10-28T23:47:00.002+08:00

I want to apologise for what I have written on my previous post. I do not want to delete it because it would remind me of my foolishness and I'll learn from it.

For what have been written, for what had happened, let it remain in the past. I'm not saying that it is entirely my fault for what had happened. But a man must be brave enough to admit his mistakes. Yes, it is partly my mistake and I hope you'll admit your part of the mistake too.

I have not let anger took control of me before while writing in this blog. This is the first and would be the last.

I'm not a man that can easily, abruptly explode in anger. Throughout my life, there are only 3 persons that made me really angry and you're the fourth person and the first lady to do so. All the other person, I've asked for their forgiveness and now, I would want to beg for yours too.

Today evening, it rained heavily with thunders accompanying the downpour. It really shows how I felt these previous days, with the rain showing how sad I feel and the thunder signifying how angry I am. These feelings does not come often to me, but when it do...I hurt myself more than I hurt you.

I do not want a small matter to escalate and spoil the friendship that we have. I'm lucky enough to have you as a friend and I believe every person that I met have changed the person to whom I am today. So I beg of your forgiveness today, and now.

You do not have to ask for my forgiveness because I have long forgiven you. It is one of my principles that if I can't forgive any of my friends, then I do not deserve them.

Please accept it with an open heart, and may all our disputes forgotten.

This time I'm really angry....

2009-10-27T00:34:00.005+08:00

Today my blood boiled. Not that I can't control my temper, but this is too much. After all I've done to help, and this is how you repay me? If you're a guy, you'll get something from me. I've done it before so don't fucking test me.

Enough is enough.....To think that the 'nice-comfortable' Danny got no temper? You're fucking wrong!!

I called you to inform 3 fucking times, then you say I didnt tell. Nevermind, I can still tolerate that. Each call like 5-7 minutes....So, you think whos paying the bill???

And the one I cannot stand is that she called and say " How could you say the wrong date?"

HEY READ THIS! I WAS GIVEN THE OPTION ON TUESDAY....so I tot you would do it on tuesday also....

and you only care to blame me without actually seeing what I have done? FUCK LA....I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THIS....

(fyi : The last time I curse was a year ago. The last time I went furious was 4 years ago. Thanks for breaking a promise I've made to myself!)

Tears for mankind...

2009-10-26T09:53:00.005+08:00

Another news today. How I am sick of reading it again and again and again. I don't understand, if man are the smartest creature on the planet, why can't they live in harmony with one another? Why do they not learn from the past? How many have tried to kill one another and suceeded but there was nothing that they achieved.

Look at Caesar, who would probably have killed more than a million with his elite army, the Tenth Legion...In the end, he was being hated by his own senate and his best friend, Brutus. It was Brutus who stabbed Caesar to his death.

Take an example of Alexander the Great. Empire so vast but after his death, his generals splits up his empire and murder every single heir of Alexander including his wife.

Even the Holy Quran, commands us to study history and learn from it. Surah of Hud, verse 17 says that "Is he (to be counted equal with them) who relieth on a clear proof from his Lord, and a witness from Him reciteth it, and before it was the Book of Moses, an example and a mercy?.."

Which means study history and learn from it that adhering to Allah's laws as was the revelation given to Moses before this whom he made a guidance...

"study history, and learn from it"

Have they learn? I feel they never learn....

Goodbye...My rose....

2009-10-25T12:41:00.002+08:00

Loneliness I've lost, these empty days without your smile and I'm gonna miss the wings of your campassion more than you could ever known. May you ever grow in my heart, you are the grace that place itself when lives were torn apart. You called out to me, and you whispered to those in pain. The stars spells out your name....never fading with the sunset when the rain set it. Your footsteps will always fall here along the greenest hills.

Eventhough I tried, the truth brings me to tears...All my words cannot express the joy you brought me through the years...

It seems to me....you live your life like a candle in the wind..

Blaaahhh....

2009-10-20T00:19:00.002+08:00

Tolong la pergi....jgn hantui aku lagi...oh IOC, TOK oral and IELTS

What do I have against you?

2009-10-18T11:31:00.002+08:00

Recently, there's someone who dislike me for not helping her with something. It's not that I don't want but its because I can't. I'd love to help people but there are limits to that. Don't expect people to be there for you everyday and treat you like a king. I have my limits as well.

I hope you realize this. I hope you know why I can't do that.

I won't ask for forgiveness since I did not do anything wrong on my behalf. So, I'll just let it be....

Blah Blah blah....

2009-10-13T17:18:00.003+08:00

Erm.....nothing to say here actually...just keeping this blog updated. :P

Alright, I'm gonna ramble and I don't care whether you like it or not. What I like to do during my leisure time in the evening?

Well, lets see....

If i have partner to play with, I'll go for table tennis, or badminton would be fine. Sometimes basketball or petanque. I was a frequent petanque player before shifting to table tennis. If no partner at all, I'll read my novels....If I have read all my novels, then i'll doze off to sleep.

Hmmm.....thats it for today....hahahaa.....no particular reason for this post. Just filling my time. Tomolo got bio test wor... :(

Damn you....

2009-10-09T23:12:00.005+08:00

I hate you...
I hate you...for everything that you did.
I hate you...for the times you were around
I hate you...for the help that you gave
I hate you...for the strength that you gave me
I hate you...for the smile that you gave me
I hate you...for the words that you encouraged me
I hate you...for the eyes that melt me

Everything you do, brings me closer to you.....You put me in a situation so complex, that I can't tell who is who, or what is what...

You changed the way I think....You changed the way I perceive things...

Now...I can only think of you...

( :P Jiwang enggak?)

Being part of heart surgical team :)

2009-09-26T19:28:00.006+08:00

He walked into the operating room bringing along files and few music cds. He played a cd, and it was Bach.

The patient has been sedated to a deep sleep. The operation is about to begun. I introduced myself to the cardiologist, Dr. Lee and the anaesthetist, Dr. Lim. They welcomed me and I was astounded by their friendliness. I always thought that specialists are smugs.

I stood a metre away from the operating table. Not daring to go nearer unless invited to. Dr. Lee called my name, and he asked me to stand beside him. It was so cool!!!

He stated off with a scalpel and cut the patient's chest from the throat towards his diaphragm. He then uses an electrical rod to cut the patient's flesh and fats. As he cuts, the flesh burns and gives out a smell. I still smell it till today.

After that, he took out a surgical saw, a big saw and cut the sternum open. This is the scary part. To think that your rib cage is cut opened by a saw, really gives you the jitters.

When it was open, he cuts a thin layer of membrane that protects the lungs and the heart. The NIBP monitor (it shows the ECG, heart beat, Blood pressure, aortic volume, ventricular volume) shows everything is normal.

After Dr. Lee reaches the heart, he took a scalpel. He reaches for the Aorta...( Oh my god, you would not believe how big is the aorta!!) and cut it open. Immediately, there was a blood fountain, filling up the heart cavity. The BP was dropping.

He quickly inserted a plastic tube and connects it to a ventilator. He did the same with the anterior vena cava.

He then said " Mr Mok, would you please empty the heart?"

Mr Mok replied " Emptying the heart now.."

Mr Mok works as the ventilator operator. He controls the machine that replaces the heart function.

The heart stops beating. He did what he had to do, and may I say that he is very meticulous with his work.

After 5 hours of operating, the situation was getting more relaxed. The operation had been successful. He then allows the heart to pump blood by itself. The anaesthetist took a blood sampel and hand it over to an attendant, asking him to perfom a blood check.

Suddenly, his blood pressure drops to 46/42. Dr. Lee said, " This is not good"

" Give him 2 cc of adrenaline and 5 ml dilute 15 protamine NOW!!!"

Situation was getting tensed. His eyes was glued to the monitor...Hoping that this patient's BP would increase back to normal. The BP stayed at 50/46.

Still wasn't good enough......He was about to lose the patient. If the BP doesn't go up, the body cells would not be able to get oxygenated blood. If the brain were to be insuficient of oxygen, he could be paralyzed or even dead.

" Flush his sytem"

What the hell? I don't know what is flush. I can't tell what he did but the patient's blood pressure was increasing back to 140/82.

" Thank god" DR. Lee said. I smiled feeling grateful that I don't have to witness a death.

Blood check results was out and he examined it. Potassium level was 6.9.

" Hell, why is the potassium so high? "

" I'll give him a dose of insulin." said Dr. Lim, the anaesthetist.

"Check his ECG" Dr. Lee said.

" ECG a little bit irregular, but fine " a nurse said.

" Another dose of insulin please " Dr. Lee said to Dr. Lim.

" ECG is normal. Check his blood again" Dr. Lim instructed an attendant. The attendant rushes out of the operating room.

Potassium level was normal again. It had been a successful surgery. Everybody was happy. I wasn't involve but I shared a bit of their happiness. Feeling relieved that the surgery had finished and I can finally go out. :D

I changed the surgical clothing and heads out. As I walk out the operating theatre, there were many people waiting outside. They gave me a stare but I just walk through and smiled at them.

There was a child that was blocking my way. He didn't notice I was there but I wasn't able to walk through. So, I stood there waiting for the child to move away.

His mom said in chinese " Come here baby, doctor wants to pass through"

I was really embarassed, my face turned red. I quickly walk away leaving them behind.

My first Labour birth :D

2009-09-24T21:39:00.005+08:00

Today, I was in a hospital and I was attached to a Paediatrician, Dr. Tee. Since today was a really busy day, so I sat in his clinic watching him examine babies, kids. Nothing much really, but attached to him was very hectic.

At one point, he was examining a kid and suddenly he got a phone call. He clicked his handsfree and closed it back a sec later.

" Do you want to follow me to the labour clinic?" By the time he finished said this, he was already moving and about 2 metres away from me. He's a small guy but walks at an incredible high speed. I have to jog to catch up with him.

I went straight through doors, which most of them are only for hospital personnels. I was granted all access to the hospital actually. But by courtesy, I only enter by permission. When, I came in, there are nurses who wanted to stop me from coming in but the paediatrician said

" Nevermind, nevermind....He's a medical student"

I was embarassed. I haven't completed IB yet much less entering a medical college.

And so, I went into the Labour delivery room.

Before I step in, Dr. Tee said this to me " Do you want to come in? A lot of blood you know.."

I don't care anyway. If I want to be a doctor, I must make myself tolerable to blood. When I took a step into the room, it was really not a sight to be seeing. Blood was really everywhere. And must I say that, I wasn't expecting this much of blood.

A gynaecologist came in next and Dr. Tee explains to him who I am. The gynae was glad and a welcoming smile was on his face " Welcome to the team"

Oh my.....I'm not yet in the team....And I certainly don't know what to do if he asks me to deliver the baby. Fortunately he didn't.

Then, a scream of pain came next. She was shouting and screaming in pain. I never seen someone in pain so much. Now I know why women are treasured in Islam. Because they bear pain to give birth to life.

After a couple of try, the baby is not yet out. The doctor have to perform suction of the baby. Soon after he did that, the baby's head was out.

I really thought it would be like in a movie where the doctor would shout, " I can see the head!!!" but it wasn't really like that. I was surprised actually when the doctor start pulling out the baby's head.

When the baby is out, Dr. Tee took a hold of the baby. It was a she. He quickly wipe of blood from the baby and cleans off her air ways and trachea by sucking all fluids in the passageway.

The baby cried loudly. I can't help but to smile to myself, knowing that I had witnessed a birth. It is as though that the baby is shouting " I'm here....and I exist".

Dr. Tee gave the baby to the mother and she kissed the baby on the forehead. I was happy for her eventhough I'm not related for her. She had done a great job.....I'll never forget that.

Agony....

2009-09-22T20:32:00.003+08:00

I looked outside......A sigh came next...

I kept asking.....who am I in this world? What significance do I bring? Sometimes, I feel my life is not worth it. I've done nothing before....Sure, I always say that " Your presence are surely felt...someone, somewhere would always remember you..." but....I don't know what to say...

Some things are meant to be told. Some things are meant to stay in your heart. I can't find the words to explain how I feel right now. But, every moment of it is truly an Agony...

I believe what I'm feeling is Loneliness.....

I know I have friends....I'm not saying that they are not important in my life....They're the ones that made me who I am today.

But, have you ever felt that while you plunge yourself into the hustle and bustle of life....your friends, studies, problems......You actually feel alone?

I do feel it all the time. All the while...and it's killing me. I wish to stop it....I can't find the answer. There is one...but not the one that I'm willing to take.

My regret...

2009-09-21T00:16:00.004+08:00

I'm done hoping.....It's time to move on to my life...
Wish I left it long ago...but I only realised it now..What a waste energy..
Sick and tired of your games...If I had a time machine, I wish I never knew you at all...

Simple Wish

2009-09-20T12:35:00.004+08:00

SELAMAT HARI RAYA

HAPPY EID MUBARAK

MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN

Peristiwa ketika Majlis Berbuka

2009-09-16T01:13:00.002+08:00

Pada hari Isnin yang lalu, kolej mara seremban telah mengadakan majlis khatam al-Quran dan juga majlis berbuka puasa.

Sewaktu menunggu bermulanya majlis khatam al-Quran, aku pon duduk kat surau...menghabiskan waktu sambil menunggu bermulanya majlis. Dari jauh, aku nampak fakri(junior) sedang duduk di meja batu di hadapan balqis.

Agaknya dia telah mengendap sape la tu....

Aku pon, dengan beraninya, berjalan ke asrama balqis......dan tetibe.....ade sorang budak kat situ. Umur 6 tahun kot....Menangis teresak2...

Aku tanya Fakri...."ni sape?"

" Dia dtg dengan anak2 yatim tu"

"Oh....nape dia nanges? Ko buli ke?"

"Tak lah....Dia teringat mak dia rasanya...."

Waktu itu, merah sungguh mata budak itu......mulutnya ternganga lebar....menjerit2...hingus dari hidungnya, menitis masuk ke dalam mulutnya sendiri....sedih dan sebak aku rasa waktu tu....

Budak tu ckp " Umi, Nak aik!"

Aku waktu tu, pon decipher kata2 budak tu.

Umi = Ibu

Nak = hendak

Aik = ??? (Ini yg susah sikit.....)

Aik tu ape??? Adakah taik??...tak mungkin.....Balik??? YEah YeAh...

Jadi, aku pon buat conclusion iaitu, apa yang hendak disampaikan oleh budak itu ialah..."Ibu, nak balik!"

Aku sangat kasihan ngan budak tu....aku dah mcm nak buat dia adik aku kat KMS ni....dah la comel.....Waktu menanges tu, boleh pulak menguap.....! Lima kali pulak tu.... Dia menguap, pastu nanges balik....hahahaaaa....

Setelah berusaha selama setengah jam memujuk dia....dia tetap jerit...." Umi nak aik!"

=.=

Penat den dah ni...!

Lepas tu dia senyap.......ALHAMDULLILAH...Tp, dia sambung balik nanges...! =.=

Kemudian, Fakri ckp, "mungkin budak ni nak sesuatu kot"

Jd, kami pon, cubalah mcm2.... " Adik nak gajah?" "Adik nak kereta?" "Adik nak abang fakri?"

Selepas lama mencuba.....akhirnya, satu soalan yang berjaya membuat adik tu mengangguk kepala..." Adik nak air?"

Rupa-rupanya....." Umi nak aik" tu ialah Rozi nak air..... ( Nama dia rozi...) hahahaaaaaa....
Dua budak kolej cuba mengetahui isi hati seorang budak yang belom skola lagi....pon tak lepas...=.=

Akhirnya, kita bawa budak tu ke DS....minum air sirap...Agak ralat la, sbb kita yang buat dia berbuka puasa....tp, kesian dia....umur baru 6 tahun........takpe la tu....

Itu aje lah.....

Sahur Routine....=D

2009-09-09T02:06:00.003+08:00

Its 4.30 am.....My phone alarm is ringing....My hand reached out for it and the fingers knew exactly where to press. Its time for SAHUR...

I stood up, with eyes half shut. Walked around in my room, just to freshen up abit. Opened the doors and looked at the quiet, and empty hallway....

I trudged my way to the toilet, and answer the nature's call....Washed my face...Looked into the mirror, " Another day has come " deep within my heart.

I went to the far side of the floor, the other side of the exit way. Just to wake Ciko....Normally, I'll skip his room because his room is at the opposite site, but he personally asked me to wake him up.

So, I entered his room.....Look at Ciko sleeping in fetal position underneath his warm, comfy blanket. I went to him and pat him on the back...

" Ogre! Ogre! Bangun Ogre!! " ( If you do not know, Shrek is an Ogre )

He would suddenly rise up from his bed, looking akwardly at his room as though his room was an alien place to him....

Its near 5 am now.....I went to each room, waking them up....But not all of them woke up.

My style of waking people up is calling their name softly or pat softly on their back asking them to wake up. I hate to disturb people's sleep because I knew what it feels like when my sleep is disturbed....

Normally Ciko or someonelse would do the dirty work.... =D

The last room would be Leman's room since his room is the closest to the stairway. To wake Leman up would require a technique in which i'm not gonna expose here....sorry!

Then, downstairs I go....towards DS....For SAHUR....

Next, go up again.......On my way to my room, I would stop by to wake anyone sleeping...As usual, they would remain asleep...

Then into my room....doing whatever is necessary....

Everyday, wake up 4.30 am or 4.45 am....

That is my sahur routine......it has been since my first puasa in KMS....and it will be until next week tuesday....until holiday....Wish me luck... =D

My story...Your story...Our story...

2009-08-25T01:04:00.003+08:00

My schoolmate is flying to Poland in ten minutes. Somehow, I can tell how elegant he would look. A man with such high calibre and was respected throughout the school. He was an-all rounder.

He scored 11A1 in his SPM. He was the Secretary in the Prefect Board. He was the only guy in form 5 that were able to secure that position. The rest was taken by form sixes. He was a President of Japanese Language Club. He founded the club and by the end of the year, he had collected more than RM2000....Their club went for a dinner in a five-star hotel (in a ballroom). Not mentioning he was a King scout and one of the leaders in First Fort Scout, the same as I am.

He took one of the highest award given out by my school of which the award was one of the oldest. That award began in 1920.....meanwhile I was granted an excellence award which began in 1950s... Sometimes I envy him.

Our names were stated in the hall of fame. Every award's recipient, would be written their name and their respective years. The oldest award was in 1900s....Some names dated back to 1826....the year my school was born. Mine was 2007....

When I picture him in the airport, its always a different person. I would picture everything, and just that, it wasn't him....but it was me in my imagination. I do not know why...but somehow its like that.

I saw everyone from MD41....We were cheering...We were laughing...with all our suits and travelling bags....

The guys were looking smart and the girls were elegant. We held our heads high....stood tall, each same par with one another....

Parents were proud....Some were crying...not tears of pain or sadness....but tears of happiness...tears of pride...

I walked straight to my parents...hugged them....kissed them on the cheek.....and said...
" I can't guarantee that I will suceed, but I'll guarantee that I'll do my best "

And you know what, everyone in MD41 was saying the same thing to their respective parents....Some started crying...

As I walk through the customs check, I look back....glancing my parents...remembering the promise that I've made to them.....

and before I knew it,

tears was dropping down my cheek....

...

2009-08-22T21:52:00.003+08:00

My way is not your way....Like I said, Silence doesn't mean I'm stupid...

First time...

2009-08-18T23:05:00.004+08:00

Today is the first time I became an MC of a ceremony. Thrilling but not as thrilling as playing guitar on stage. The adrenaline rush is much better and faster. Before you know it, you already finish playing the song.

I got the chance being an MC when Aidah suddenly suggested me to be her partner. Though I insist of getting someone else, but in the end, I agreed....Just for experience I guess....

This is one of those that I would like to do only once and never repeat it.

Now, Finish with CEC!!! YES!! Finally can relax...but EE, and World lit is coming.... +TOK essay and oral....what relax??!?!?!

Being one of the CEC members is really an experience of a lifetime. Interviewing, assessing candidates and plus pyschoing them....muahaahhaa....in the end, it reflects most on us back...Seeing how incompetent we are...seeing how lacking we are....seeing how imperfect we are...It all brings me to one lesson, that who are we to judge people when we could not judge ourselves....

Anyway,

Tomorrow got dinner....haha...gonna eat till full... =D

Thank you for the Kinder Bueno....

2009-08-14T19:55:00.003+08:00

I wasn't expecting anything in return from Miss M when she return my stuff......In fact, I wanted to treat her for keeping my camera for two weeks....

It's a long time....

The reason I let her keep my camera for such a long time is because probably after this I do not have any other reason to bring my camera to college. So, to compensate that, I'll let her use my camera for a long time...

I love to see people interested in photography....There is so much to photography until it is in one of the elements in ART (in TOK)...

By the way, nice job with the pictures....Credits to you Miss M
Thanks Miss M!!

P/S : I'll treat you back....one day...for now, I'm broke...hehehe

The power to excite...

2009-08-09T08:45:00.003+08:00

Malam semalam lepas malam manifesto, aku, leman, Tia, dan Amy beli mknn di gerai Lahuma. Sementara menunggu tu, kita berborak kejap.

Aku ngan Leman pon kacau Tia ckp ada gossip pasal dier....wakaka...padehal aku tak tau mende pon....

Pastu Tia pon balas ckp, Leman byk gossip gak...

" Ah Foo takde gossip, tapi banyak orang nak Ah Foo " <--- Sejauh manakah kebenaran ini?

Bayai?

2009-08-04T16:13:00.003+08:00

There's nothing to Kg. Bayai....just our effort together making something out of nothing....That small something means a thousand words for us...

I learned my lesson from Kg. Bayai....No matter how much you work your ass off, there's always someone else would take the credit. I guess life is always unfair.

Just for your information, I really do have fun in Kg. Bayai because the village itself is the same like my grandmother's house. I love it.....especially the last night because we sat down in front of TV, chatting over unimportant things.

In the morning, it was really cold....I love the scent of the cold morning breeze, whistling through the bushes....It seems so fresh...

Riding a motorbike in Kg. Bayai was another experience. I rode motorbike since I was standard 5 but in Kg. Bayai, its different. Never before, I shivered while riding a bike. It was 2 am, and the darkness creeps in. Only the moonlight, showing the slightest silhouette of things around me. Eyes peeled looking for the road. The cold air blowing sending message to my spine to seek warmth.

Basically, that's about it. Just that I really work hard in the cooking team. Since the makciks don't know other peoples name, they always called up my name and say,

" Danial, basuh pinggan ni"

"Danial, buat air!"

"Danial, bawak ayam goreng ni masuk dalam!"

"Danial, cepat hidangkan!"

"Danial, bawak pinggan dan cawan ke sana!"

"Danial, amik meja tu letak situ!"

"Danial, buat ni.....!"

....

I became a robot that day.....sometimes, I got as much as four simultaneous request from different makcik......

I work till my legs went numb....I don't know why...or how...

Just that I remembered, I wish I collapsed and died on that Friday night....Such were my agony....But still I live to see another day....

I don't eat throughout the night, I dont sit for 5 hours straight....I don't stop working for 5 hours....

Happy experience??

Not quite sure.....

Life

2009-07-26T13:09:00.003+08:00

Given the opportunity to obtain life is one of the most amazing things...But as we live our life, we have experiences. Some were enjoyable, makes us jumping off our feet, but some are otherwise.

God has given a path to us. It is our destiny. I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that we are as we are. There must be.

Eventually, every single living things would die. Even when the new technology, able to replicate human organs, we would eventually wear off, no matter how many times we transplant our organs.

Even with such technology exist, I figure most of us would choose to die. Humans are destined to live on earth for a certain period of time before they move on. Why are we defying this by wanting to live forever?

I would rather die a man, than live for all eternity a machine.

Why is this so? Why I don't want to live forever?

To be acknowledged for who and what I am, no more, no less. Not for acclaim, not for approval, but, the simple truth of that recognition. This has been the elemental drive of my existence, and it must be achieved, if I am to live or die with dignity.

Things change, things always change. People move on. It's as it should be. But, what I realized today is that I'll never stop missing them.

Then, there is love. What do I know about love? That it is in many forms....That it can be expressed...That it would wear us off but we'll never get sick of it...

They say that love can make you can lose yourself. That two people can become so mixed up, that you don't know who's who or what's what. And just when the sweet confusion is so intense you think you're gonna die... you kind of do. Leaving you alone in your separate body, but the one you love is still there. That's a miracle. You can go to heaven and come back alive. You can go back anytime you want with the one you love.

Life has much to offer to us. I often feel sad to those who died so young, not knowing the beauty of life yet. It would take a lifetime to see the beauty of life but to be with God, is the beauty of everything.

I would not want to turn down this life that God has given unto me. God has given it to me, and so I shall live a life that's full. And so, I hold my hand up to my face, and pray to you oh Dear God, for there is no better planner than You Almighty. Give me the strength to live my life, and so Give the strength to people around me as well, and so may we live our life as a person. Amin!

The story of my heart....=D

2009-07-25T10:26:00.004+08:00

I looked straight ahead, she was there....I studied her face, the curves are perfect.....Symmetrical....a natural beauty...

Suddenly, she looked up. I turned away, hoping she wouldn't noticed me. What would she say if she knew I was looking at her at all times? It's a risk that I didn't dare to take.

Immediately, when she starts to read her book again, I looked at her again. Admiring, the look of a natural beauty. I do not know her very much, but I do know her name.

This time, she held her head up and looked at me. She gave me a jolt! I was unsure of what to do, so I threw her my best smile.....And so she smiled back....

That has made my day.....

( this story is a made-up story...If you want to believe this, then it is up to you...)

I pray to you...oh Dear God....

2009-07-18T17:04:00.002+08:00

Last night, I was very tired, I thought I would die in my sleep....but thank God I live to see another day... Today gonna be even more hectic.....If I live for tomorrow, then I'll be grateful to God....

I don't know why is it people love to put responsibilities on my shoulder which I feel damn heavy right now. Requires physical and mental strength.

Looking back in 1999, when I was given the choice to jump class to standard 5, I knew something big was coming but as a child I don't know what is it....All I knew was it will be hard for me to cope...

Believe it or not, I'm still coping....with people older than me, with the responsibilities that I should be carrying two years later, but I'm carrying it out now....with studies that I have to keep up, which should have been two years later....

A lot has to be sacrificed to cope for this changes. Probably those who did not jump class would not have know what I've been through, but perhaps just put yourself in my shoes as I would put into yours.

But then again, God is very just and fair......He created shoes that fits only you.....So I thank you God....for your grace that you have given me, a life that's full.....

Please give me the strength and courage to keep moving forward....please give strengths to people around me....Please give me the power to lead....And so God bless us....Amin!

The Final Curtain

2009-07-18T01:12:00.003+08:00

I've done some mistakes and I would like to apologize....

I'm Sorry Dayang Nurul Afifah
I'm Sorry Naurah Alwi
I'm Sorry Noratika Halim
I'm Sorry Madihah Yusoff
I'm Sorry Myra Azmi
I'm Sorry Fana Rosli
I'm Sorry Amirah Wahab
I'm Sorry Nur Najaa Basir
I'm Sorry Nurul Aien Atiqah Elias
I'm Sorry Kappa
I'm Sorry Afifah Johari
I'm Sorry Farah Najiah
I'm Sorry Gee
I'm Sorry Anuar Fahmi
I'm Sorry Mohd Hosni Salleh
I'm Sorry Ahmad Suleiman
I'm Sorry Hazwan Johari
I'm Sorry Isyam Jaafar
I'm Sorry Safwan Idrus
I'm Sorry Ariff Ariffin
I'm Sorry Siddiq
I'm Sorry Ikmal Sapini

And to the rest of you who reads this....I'm tired...this is the final curtain

Desire for the truth

2009-07-17T21:22:00.002+08:00

As painful as it is....I would really like to know the truth....

Pengalaman di PWTC....

2009-07-11T22:48:00.007+08:00

Tersebutlah kisah seorang yang comel bernama Danial Foo....Yang diberi tugas untuk menjadi presenter tuk community service project kolej mara seremban. Aku tak berminat sngt pon, tp dah diberi tanggungjawab, maka jalankanlah dengan seikhlasnya.

" When a responsibility is given, then carry it out with all your heart "

Tugasan diberi hari selasa, pastu lepak sana sini ari jumaat baru nak buat. Padahal hari sabtu nak gi pulak tu....aku agak risau kalo bende2 camni lmbt dibuat, kalo tak siap sendiri yang kene...Tp diaorg ckp standard la tu....aku pon layan je lah...

Malam Jumaat tu aku mula buat multimedia presentation...Pkul 9.30 mlm. Sebenarnya pkul 8.30 dah mula fikir ayat-ayat yang berbunga cket...dekat sejam gak lah duk pikir bende tu...

Pastu bermulalah tugasan aku tuk buat video presentation....sepanjang waktu tu, Cik Noratika Halim dan Cik Syazwanie Seri Buana lah yang membantuku....

Terima kasih banyak lah kepada Cik Noratika Halim dan juga Cik Syazwanie Seri Buana yang berada disisiku sepanjang 6 jam membuat video presentation. Yang amat menyedihkan, kami ditinggalkan begitu sahaja dan mereka terpaksa menanti untuk ku menyiapkan video. Dalam waktu itu, aku belanjalah mereka air minum dari koop sebab syazwanie simpan kunci koop. Tapi air berkarbonat tu menyebabkan Ika sakit perut. Huhuhu, sorry!

Dalam 6 jam tu, 3 jam pertama tu ade gak lah org2 len. Pastu 3 jam seterusnya, kiteorg ditinggalkan kat wispi....Cuma ade aku, Ika dan Wanie.... =( ...Tp, mmg takde sbb pon diaorg stay kat wispi tu, kerje diaorg pon dah abis...

Bertiga kat wispi tu, dah takde bende nk buat....aku sembang lah ngan wanie dan Ika....Haha, Ika bagitau satu rahsia!! Wohoooo.....! Nak tau tak???!?!?! =D

Ok, lupakan bende tadi....Pastu, pada pkul 4.21am, siaplah video yang kami buat itu....walaupun taklah seberape, tapi saya rasa video itu amat hebat kerana kami siapkan dalam masa yang singkat dan suntuk.

Balik ke bilik, terus terjalar kat atas katil tido...sbb pkul 7 a.m nak bangun....Tepat pkul 6.44 am, aku rasa yang Maha Esa suruh aku bangun gi semayang subuh....dengan memberikan aku cramp kaki....sakit sngt....lama pulak tu, 2 minit ade kot....

Kaki kiri aku pon sakit satu hari, waktu semayang pon, kaki kiri aku sakit gak....Malam waktu buat video tu, tangan aku sebelah kiri jugak cramp sbb pegang tepon lama sngt berbual ngan kakak aku....

Dengan mata yang sakit....dan mengantuk, tambah lagi dengan tangan dan kaki kiri ku yang sakit....aku pergi jugak menjalankan tanggungjawab yang diberi.

Dawa tanya, "Betol ke korang abis pkul 4 semalam?"

"Yer...nape?"

"Ko tak nampak mengantuk pon....hebatnyer.."

Lebih kurang camtu lah sembang kosong kita sebelom bertolak. Sebenarnya, aku mengantok teramat sangat dan kaki ku waktu tu sngt sakit....tp aku sembunyikan dengan senyuman.....tangan aku balik2 mengurut kakiku yang sakit tu....aku tak nak org risau pulak pasal aku....biar je sakit...nnti dia ok la tu....

Sampai kat PWTC, bende cam biasa lah.....tunggu org lambat dtg...haha...normal kot tuk org2 MARA....mahupun bekas MARA....

Lunch aku patutnya lepas budak2 first gi lunch tu dtg balik, tp kena pulak tunggu jaga barang2...bersama-sama dengan leman, afi dan Cikgu hindon...Ingatkan bila budak2 tu semua balik bolehlah keluar gi mkn, tp org2 Ansara pon dah mula muncul....jd lupakanlah mkn tengahari....Dengan mata yang mengantok, kaki yang sakit dan tangan yang berdenyut tambah lagi dengan perut yang lapar (semalaman tak mkn dan takde breakfast T.T) , aku buat gak kerja....tp agak slow lah....

Akhirnya, mkn tengahari aku Pkul 3.30 ptg bersama2 Leman dan Ika....(Ika lagik! Banyak sangat jasa dia kat aku kan???) Yang beshnyer!!! Ika belanja aku ais krim!!!! Yay!!!! Ais krim RM1....besh tu....susah tau nak suruh Ika buka dompet dia belanja org....Hahaa...

Pastu sebelum kami pulang, aku sempat bergambar dengan Dato' Mukhriz Mahathir.....Hahaa...akhirnya, dpt jugak kenangan yang besh kat PWTC.....

Pastu kitaorg pon, pulang....kepenatan dan gembira....(Cam dlm buku cerita kan???) Haha....

Boleh belanja? Terima Kasih!

2009-07-04T10:47:00.001+08:00

Pada hari Rabu yang lalu, Hari Registration...... tetibe je rase nak bermanje ngan orang....Jadik, aku pon gi mencari-cari orang. Haha.....random jek, takde memilih kasih tau!

Kalau nak bermanja ngan org lelaki, mak uih, haram dinampak orang! Mampos aku nanti....Maka si Danial ni pon mencari wanita wanita....

Waktu aku tengah melihat tauke Leman khusyuk mengoreng keropok Lekor, Dayang Nurul Afifah datang menjenguk. Aku pon mintak dier belanje aku. Dia pon mula lah merengek kat aku, ckp aku ni jahat la tu la.....tapi aku tak kesah....janji belanja...huhuhuhu....Selepas beberapa minit, dia hulur kat aku RM1... Wohooooo!!!! Teknik Berjaya!!!

Pastu aku gi lepak kat booth entrepreneur. Nampak si Saudari Miyn...nampak dari jauh, dier tengah goncang goncang tangan dia, mcm tengah betolkan remote TV astro rosak...... Rupe2nyer dier tengah bubuh coklat kat marshmallow......Punyelah hebat!! Aku pon memuji teknik yang dier guna.....pastu aku pon mintaklah belanja....Dia balik2 gune alasan baek punyer

"Tak pernah dalam sejarah, perempuan kena belanja lelaki" <-- lebih kurang camtu

Uih.....Pandai pulak dia berkata - kata....dengan rasa hampa, aku pon balek ke booth mercymedic balik....

Lepas tu, aku gi booth culinary.....nampak saudari Aien tengah menjerit-jerit memanggil kustomer (aku tak berape perasan pasal ni, aku agak dier tengah menjerit sbb aku tengok dari jauh!). Aku pon lepak sana.....tuk sekian lama, aku tunggu si Aien belanja aku. Dier janji dah kot! Menanti punyelah lama, pastu dier ckp....."Sori tak bawak duit" Aduih.....punah harapanku nak makan duit Aien....sob sob....

Kalau tak silap aku, Najaa ada belanje aku hari tu. Dier bagik aku RM1. Aku pon gembira giler.....mcm budak budak dpt gula2. Aku tak ingat sangat....haha...sori Najaa.....Aku rasa aku beli air culinary kot....Hahaaaa...mmg tak ingat langsung.....

Pastu2.....aku ada kerje jap....pasal mknn....jadik aku gi kat cafeteria. Sewaktu aku berjalan tu, nampak dayang tengah duduk.....jadik aku gi kat dier mintak lagik RM1. Buat muke seposen....aaaahahhaaa...

Sebelum aku blah....aku ckp kat dier " Duduk diam-diam tau, nnti abah dtg balik"

Tak tersangka-sangka, dier bangun dan jerit, sambil menuding kat aku!

"Bapak sape hilang!!!!! Bapak sape hilang!!!"

Ooooffff.....kalau dier ckp camtu jek takpe, ini dier jerit kuat-kuat......malu kot....nasib aku cover cket....aku pun berpusing-pusing carik orang sambil jerit

"Mane???? Mane???" Pastu aku cabut lari!!! hahahaaa....dahlah parents kat situ pandang aku....uhuhu

Selepas tugasku selesai, booth mercy pon dah bungkus....terima kaseh kepada ahli kelab mercy yang bertugas pada waktu itu...

Madihah
Amirah
Nabilah/Shilah
Iskandar
Mamat
Hazwan Johari

Pastu, aku lepak gak booth swatamu jap. Aku mintak Naurah belanjer kot. Aku pon tak ingat pasal ni.....Oh ya!! Mlm sebelum rabu ari tu, aku siap call Naurah mintak belanja kot....pastu dier marah kat aku! Oooofff!!! Tak berani mintak melalui tepon lagi....len kali aku mintak depan2....hahaha....

Naurah pon tak mau belanja.....atau dier tak bawak duit waktu tu???? Aku tak ingat gak bende ni....tapi dier tak belanje aku hari tu.....

Pastu, aku melihat Myra kat depan booth swatamu. Dia mcm tengah menari ke ape tah.....nmpk mcm tengah menari-nari lah....Aku pon gi kat dier....hulur tangan....

"Seringgit!" Dengan mukeku yang comel ( Aku raselah! ) dan perangai kebudak-budakkan ku, Myra terus hulur seringgit kat aku! Punyerlah besh!!!! Gembira giler!!!...Myra je lah, yang terus bagik kat aku duit....dier tak ckp sepatah haram pon..... Hahaaaa...besh giler kalau hari2 camtu.....kalau boleh camtu lah yer!!! Mungkin Myra boleh dengar perutku meronta-ronta tuk mknn, sbb waktu tu dah tengahari, aku tak mkn satu bende pon. Cuma minum air jek....hahaaa....Terime kasih tau!!

Ok, tu je lah yang berlaku pada hari registration. Lagipon, aku nak jugak tulis dlm BM. Haha....Terime kasih kepada

Myra
Dayang
Najaa
Miyn
Aien
Naurah
Dan ahli-ahli kelab MercyMedic...

Pain....

2009-07-03T21:06:00.003+08:00

How can we understand people's pain unless we're actually in their shoes? How are we going to laugh with them if we don't understand a bit of their pain? How do we know our pain?

How are we going to be doctors/dentists if we don't know how our patients feeling? How can we enjoy our work when their pain is not of our understanding? How can we laugh with them once they are cured since we do not know a thing about what they have gone through? we only know a portion of it as a third person....

How do we know their fear? How do we understand?

I saw young children suffered from cancer in a documentary, I felt life's is unfair. They have much to enjoy in life.....But God has His own ways...and I believe in Him....

How much do we value life if we don't value our pain? Look back through the pain that we have gone through and you might find your life more meaningful....

Do we want to be like the children? Suffering from a terminal disease and only then everything is treasured? Those children have gone through unimaginable pain that only God knows....

I only hope one thing.....That we would understand their pain....and we would share the pain to ease the burden on them....

Live with no fear of pain,

and by that,

we are free....

Another Performance....

2009-06-27T19:43:00.003+08:00

Well, yesterday I performed along with Leman, Afiq and together with Dawa in the Auditorium of Hospital Tunku Jaa'far Seremban.

I was given the role of playing guitar along with Leman and Afiq would be singing along with Dawa. Anyway, it's a nice performance(according to the audience)....I still think that the performance is rather funny.....Haha...

I laughed during the performance, with Leman (While playing Guitar!!!) .....Why is it funny????

Because I was trembling and so was Leman....

Not because we were nervous or what......Its because it was so cold....hahahaaa....My leg was shaking....Weird huh?

During the entire guitar solo, my fingers were shaking vigorously demanding warmth....I saw Leman's hand was also trembling.....

Probably a little bit nervous would also contribute to the involuntary movement but I was definitely calm... =D

Then, the was the other bands.....dikir barat and the final song which definitely an awe-inspiring performance....(As for mine, I dunno because I was not the audience)

I hope people didn't notice about my involuntary movements....Or mayb they thought I did it on purpose to look cool? I dunno....but sucks when its very cold because you have to focus but your mind is definitely thinking of something warm....

So, that sums up what I did in Hospital Tunku Jaafar....Another experience of playing guitar on stage...Too bad my electric guitar cannot be used....It would sure rock the hell out of the hall...!!

Next time mayb, If there's any chance....I would like to play instrumental songs along with Leman.... =)

For my father...

2009-06-21T15:05:00.001+08:00

My brother and I was planning to go out and buy my father some gifts....We collected some money but its just a small sum...because we practically jobless.... =D

Nevertheless, I took out my savings (Not in bank one...In wallet one =D ) and my brother gave some money....

As we were discussing what to buy, my mum came along and gave a sum of money too. She gave the most actually =D

With a quite a large sum, we thought we can buy some good stuff for him.... My sister too want to pay her part when she return back here.....

So overall, we have close to a thousand =)

What to buy is the hardest question today.....

I wasn't sure about what my father would really like or appreciate because normally he's the one that buy gifts to us.

I realize that we didn't give him much of gifts during our entire time with him. Strange isn't it? The person that knows what you like most but we know nothing about what he wants.....I'm ashamed of myself...

My mum, baffled by our discussion, ended up asking my father what he wants for Father's day....Awwwww, spoiler...hehee... =D

My father said he don't want anything for Father's day......

And I realize one thing.....the best gift for Father's day or Mother's day, is our presence with them.....Its not about money, gifts, items, expensive goodies....Its always about us....

We are the most precious gift to our parents. Nothing can change that fact...

So, I call all of you, who are reading this post....Spend a minute to call your father, or at least sms him. The best is you are there to wish him Happy Father's Day...

What to buy for Father's day??

2009-06-21T00:50:00.003+08:00

My gosh, its Father's day today....

I don't know what I want to buy......!! I was thinking of buying him an expensive pen, but I figured that he already have so many pens at his office....

What to buy??? =.=

Help?!?

Scary movie : Back to KMS

2009-06-13T18:07:00.002+08:00

For all of you who didn't know, life in KMS is pretty much like a scary movie. Everything is weird about KMS....

First thing when you reach the hostel, you'll your stuff ransacked like got ghost searching for some cigarettes in your room. Pocong or mayb Toyol study chemistry Raymond Chang...Or Campbell Biology so that they can effectively haunt us by knowing what hormone is secreted when we are scared to death....

Then, the food...The food is equally as scary as the rooms....You'll find the DS "Makcik" like an evil witch with flying brooms....Flying in the DS making sure you don't spill your food, or take too many chickens from them....

Then, the classrooms....Its like a jail cell with a heater in the middle of a desert...Oh my God, its pratically an oven, and I think I can roast a whole chicken in the class....Forget chicken, a whole cow also can...

There we are, sitting in the classroom, just like kenny roger's chicken in the oven...waiting for customers to save us by ordering chicken stuff, so that we can get the hell out of there....

After classrooms, is the library....basically library is a meeting room, or should I say the Parliament of KMS....Everyone went there and simply opens their mouth.....If bad breath can be coloured green, the library would be known as the death gas chamber....

Well, then there is the homework....Every teacher thinks that we are only taking his/her subject(there are exceptions)....If the knowledge is a part of our body weight, we would be fat...I mean REAL FAT.....So many revisions has to be done.... =P

And best of all, EE.......Extended Essay is like making a new element from nothing...Creating an atom from scratch....Playing a guitar without any strings, driving a car without any tires, flying a plane without any wings, cycling a bike without bicycle paddles, Writing an essay without any pen, Lighting up a room without any source of light, and its like asking a cow to break dance....

Not forgetting IAs, World lit....TOK essay.....

Exam results....This is the scariest part...I think I gonna get low marks and points this time...I didn't prepare for the exam =P Mentally and physically....I guess I have to make a thick face to answer to my parents later on, when they asked about my results....

Well, that sums up about the opening sem.....Will I survive KMS? Only time will tell...

So pray for me....and pray for us in KMS to succeed, and I hope we can overcome the wall that has been keeping us prisoned.... ( I don't know crap what this means =P)

P/s : Cerita ini adalah rekaan semata-mata, tiada kena-mengena dengan sesiapapun mahupun yang hidup ataupun yang dah mati....Tapi pasal test tu betol.... =D

New look...

2009-06-13T03:01:00.001+08:00

I like the new template...It calms me....So, what you guys think??

Another ramblings by me...

2009-06-12T00:30:00.003+08:00

Helping people and getting help is a different matter from one another. One might think that the same concept of help applies but its a different thing. Same like your parents love to us and your love to your children. I know we might not have any experience on this one, but perhaps we have some idea of it.

Basically, it does not matter that people do not give the answer that you might expected. It's just a test, that perhaps only some would notice.

Anyway, if it were to be true that my level of thinking if further beyond ordinary people, I can't achieve that level without help from others as well. You see, we developed based on what we observed others, and what we experience by ourselves. There is no way that you achieve a certain level of thinking suddenly. Only miracles of God can do that.

We changed at the precipice, when we at a brink of destruction or a path....And that is make us mature enough to see the world is a tough place to live in....I would not say that I'm already mature, since maturity is very subjective and there is no scientific measurement for it. So how do you actually mature? By the presence of others....Their presence already liberate you from your child fantasy to the reality world. That is a fact that we cannot run from...

I feel I need help because I realise that no matter how tough you are, life gonna beat you down till you can't stand it anymore. Life is not about how much hits can you take, but it is about how much hits can you take, and keep moving forward.... I believe that, to keep moving forward, you need to get help....or at least have someone to watch over you. Because the fact is that we are actually ALONE.

P/s : This is actually a response to the comment on the previous post by Wan Joe aka BAGONG

Frustration...Whats wrong with me?

2009-06-09T23:21:00.003+08:00

Frustrating isn't it? When you try so hard to gain something but in the end you realise that there's nothing in it. When you try so hard to solve a problem and in the end the problem is you. I've talked so much about helping people but in the end, I'm the one who needs help. No one knows what my problem is. Even me....

I figured, if I would help people, their problems would open my eyes to my own problem. But I find there's nothing close to an answer.

Why bother?? Why bother to find an answer that isn't there?? Why bother to help others when you can't help yourself?? Why bother to even think of helping people??

I reckoned that no one should put themselves into a position where they would be stuck. But now, I am....I can't get unstuck...

So what should I do?? Should I give up now?? I have no idea... Some say the best thing to do is do nothing....But even some said doing nothing also brings something, a consequence.

I need help....But I don't know where to find one....I've been asking myself... but like I said, I don't have the answer.... No one wants to answer this, or even bother to ask.... Its how it got exaggerated...

Figuring that people, don't actually care....really hurts....It only worsen things...

I only hope that time will the heal the wound...

Words

2009-06-09T21:23:00.002+08:00

Words don't come easy to me......
How can I find a way?
To make you see this way...
Words don't come easy....

Untitled

2009-06-07T19:50:00.002+08:00

Sleepy....ZzZzz

Nails in the Fence

2009-06-05T02:54:00.005+08:00

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.

Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.

He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone.

The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, 'You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.

You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. But It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound will still be there. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.

Remember that friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.'

You Are My Friend and I'm Honoured

I'm sorry if I have ever left a 'hole' in your fence.....Please forgive me...

Why?? Here's the answer....

2009-06-03T22:13:00.003+08:00

Never have I said the reasons why at certain times I would be poetic. Some people, disgusted by the way I wrote on my blog or anywhere in the cyberspace...

I have no power to change your perception nor control any of your feelings towards me. All I can do is to explain and it is up to you to decide.

Let me tell you a story about a boy, whose parents really wants him to do his best at his studies. However, he wasn't really into academic. All he wants to do is to play sports and have fun with his life. Living his life to the fullest. Day by day, months by months went by and he still didn't change despite the urge from his parents.

At one time, his result was so bad that he dropped to the second class. It was when everything started to seem so different. People don't look at him as usual anymore. He was treated the same like a school dropout. Embarassed and shamed, he was determine to change for the better. At that time, his friends all left him behind....

His new class was treating him the same also. He wasn't accepted in neither both class. He figured out that friends doesn't last long. A laughing friend can be found anywhere, anytime but a crying friend is so rare that only the lucky ones can have.

Pressure was pushing him to his limit until a point he broke down. He confessed to his mom and want to prove everyone wrong. He wants to slap everyone with his exam result slip....Being a good mom, she guides him to success, not by education but by motivation. That boy work really hard that year....and he finally got his results...Everyone was stunned and it was then he knew his true friends.

That little boy is me...

Some people can live on with their life but for me, ever since that chapter in my life, I have come to learn that certain friends that can be dumped into dustbin and never hear anything from them. I'm not saying everyone is bad in my previous school....I do have friends that stood up for me at that time.....

Friends can really do make impact in ones life....Do you know, when in times of trouble, why do you feel so lonely? Its because your friends are not there for you...I know, because I always feel the same. Ever since then, I have learn to differentiate my laughing friend and my crying friend.....When you realise about this, your world gonna be a lot smaller....Without noticing it, you feel lonely despite all the people around you.

I want to be there for people...I want to inspire them, I want to make them believe, I want them to feel that there are people that are still kind in this world.

I want to motivate them...

I merely want to help them to believe in themselves....Its what I've been sending this message to everyone...Believe.....That is the reason...That is the reason why I came to the hexagon and helped two person with their bio eventough tomorrow gonna have bio test and I haven't even started opening my books yet.....

Probably some notice it, but I don't really care...I just want to inspire people and it all begins with one random act of kindness at a time....

The "Warung" Girl

2009-06-02T14:14:00.003+08:00

I met this girl back at school yesterday.....She was there eversince I was form 4... I do not know her name nor her age. She works there, a 'warung' beside my school. Everybody eats there after school because canteen would be closed. I've forgotten her after my SPM but just to see her yesterday reminds me of the days that I would go to the 'warung' and eat...

She's very cute and pretty...She looks like a school girl and still looks the same. I always wonder if she quit school to work....but I didn't dare to ask....I didn't even dare to ask her name....haha.

She's probably married but I'm not really sure. I don't know a thing about her actually.... I just recognize her cute face....

She probably the cutest girl I ever seen. She small-sized and have a very sweet voice....If she smiles, I could not help to smile to her back....She's a very good cook too.

It would be nice if I know something about her....Just her name would suffice...Unfortunately, it would only be in my dreams~~!

My Responsibility.....

2009-06-01T01:18:00.010+08:00

I learned something....Yesterday I sat with my parents along with my little brother and we chat until 4 am.

We talked many stuffs.....Facts of life, our relatives, Business management ( I learn a lot in this one....Haha....Dad have a master degree on this ) . And One knowlegde that I think that is the most valuable that I learned that day was my family's history.

My dad and mum said that it is time that we know the history of our family. And so I listen eagerly. I never knew these stuffs, and perhaps they seen that it is time for me to learn from the family's history. They told me that I'm old and matured enough to learn and not to repeat the same mistake.

I was devastated just by listening to the hardship that they have to gone through together...Mum and Dad....Before and after their marriage. I was unable to even imagine.....myself surviving that hardship...I nearly cried, feeling that my parents actually have to go through that.....And I realise that, all this while I thought that the IB programme is tough and but theirs was a lot tougher... I shouldn't have complained, but instead be grateful. I realise this now.

My father was born to a family of a farmer.....He was the cycle breaker in his family....He managed to get himself out of poverty and carry out what his late father ( my grandfather ) asked him to do....take care of his brothers.

On that same night, my father entrusted me to do the same....I was deeply honoured.....I went to sleep that night with a big responsibility....And I asked myself...

Will I be able to do the same??

Only time will tell....Till then, life gotta to go on.....

Lessons of life....

2009-05-23T16:58:00.006+08:00

The girl in the picture is Katie Kirkpatrick, she is 21 . Next to her, her fiancé, Nick, 23. The picture was taken shortly before their wedding ceremony, held on January 11, 2005 in the US ... Katie has terminal cancer and spend hours a day receiving medication. In the picture, Nick is waiting for her on one of the many sessions of chemo to end.

In spite of all the pain, organ failures, and morphine shots, Katie is going along with her wedding and took care of every detail. The dress had to be adjusted a few times due to her constant weight loss

An unusual accessory at the party was the oxygen tube that Katie used throughout the ceremony and reception as well. The other couple in the picture are Nick's parents. Excited to see their son marrying his high school sweetheart.

Katie, in her wheelchair with the oxygen tube , listening a song from her husband and friends

At the reception, Katie had to take a few rests.The pain does not allow her to be standing up for long periods

Katie died five days after her wedding day. Watching a women so ill and weak getting married and with a smile on her face makes us think.....

Happiness is reachable, no matter how long it lasts. We should stop making our lives complicated.
Life is short
Break the rules
forgive quickly
kiss passionately,
Love truly
Laugh constantly
And never stop smiling no matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expected to be but as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.

If I only know you were there all this time...

2009-05-23T16:10:00.002+08:00

Whenever I'm weary, From the battles that rages in my head.....
You make sense of madness,
When my sanity hangs by a thread,
I lose my way, but still you seem to understand....

I'm holding a fortune,
That heaven has given to me....
Now I can rest my worries,
And always be sure,
That I won't be alone anymore,
If I only know you were there all this time....

Door of Happiness....

2009-05-17T12:45:00.003+08:00

There are times when we are in trouble, we often forget what we have in our lives. So much happiness and so much laughter that we did not able to see...

Life is always like that, you don't see what you have, instead you chose yourselves to see what you don't have....

So....how to overcome this?

Simply ask yourself, what do I have?? You already have what you need, what you get is for you....You don't have to ask for others...

When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.

So be cheerful....Whenever something bad happens, another door of happiness would be open for you....Whenever you're sick, you'll find your true friend....Whenever you're down, you'll see the beauty of life, Whenever you're in trouble, you'll learn a way to get out of it....

Smile =) and know the world would smile along with you....

Secrecy !!

2009-05-16T23:53:00.004+08:00

Its a secret..... =)

Someone that I owed so much....

Girls, Ladies, Women...

2009-05-16T22:50:00.002+08:00

I never have a special girl in my life apart from my mother or my sister. Why is that so? I guess I'm still not ready yet. Perhaps I'll know when the time has come, when that moment of time struck me that I'm mature enough for .......a relationship.

When God created women, from the ribs of Men......it was not to show that women are incompetent as compared to men...but rather to tell us all, that Women completes Men. I must say that Men would not have achieve anything without women by their side. Women must be treasured, cared for and loved.....because they are a part of us, Men.

They are not toys for man, nor merely an object of pleasure. They ensure the continuity of mankind!

I believe in treating all women with full respect. People do not have any idea what women have to go through in all mankind's history....fighting alongside men, enduring unthinkables. Thank you! I may not have anything to offer....but I acknowledge the part that women has done when the society needed her the most.

Mother's day

2009-05-10T10:08:00.003+08:00

You gave me light,
You gave me strength,
You made our lives better without any plan,
You are my power,
You shine my life forever,
With you as a candle, that extinguish never....

Whenever I'm down,
You are there for me,
Your presence already set me free,
You wont let your child give up easily,
Even when there's so much to lose,
Like all hell breaks loose.

You'll stand by me,
Not knowing tiredness and will never flee,
As you're my Mother and your love is for me...

I have no regrets nor sad...
because you came to my life and I'm so glad,
Never have I met someone so pure,
You're the only one, I love even more....

No words can describe my love,
Nothing can win your love,
Nothing that exceed my love for you,
Nothing can take my eyes off you....

I thank God for you,
Everyday is a blessing too,
Filled with emotions on this day,
Because It's my mother's very special day....

(Poem made by myself, Danial Foo)

HAPPY MOTHER's DAY!!!!
- I love my mom, soooo Much!!! I hugged her, the first thing in the morning.....

Call your mom today, let them know you still love them....

I feel lonely....

2009-05-07T18:53:00.002+08:00

Here in KMS, I feel very much lonely, I dunno what this is... Is it friends? or Games??? I dunno...

But one thing for sure, I never felt more lonely in my life.....

Why am I saying all this? Its because I don't have all the answers to all the questions...

I leaRned something today, " Friends can come and go, but Family are God's gift to you as you are to them"

Mark my words, then you'll never feel lonely again...

Gamerz

2009-05-04T16:43:00.001+08:00

Teacher Ju said in one of her class that games would take away your life.....

I couldn't agree more....

In fact, i experienced it first hand....I was one of those early players and pioneer for online games in my school......i shifted from games to games......i was the best there ever was.....people offered me RM 1800 for my game account....

You know....every game that i played, i would be the best... The best of the best......

But my studies was crap..... I only managed to get number 48 in the whole batch.....i was being left out by my friends....being scolded by my parents....

But i managed to overcome my addiction...and i'm happy to say that i did it on my own....There was a quote in which I still hold on.... " Sometimes, to do good and to be good, you have to be steady....at times give up what you want most....Even your dreams. "

I gave up what I wanted the most, playing computer games all my life.....

It was PMR trial, a month after my rehab, i manage to jump to no. 4 for the whole batch.....

You know what is the sensation, the feeling, to change people's perception....at an instance? :)

i can never put it into words....

Still, there is much to be done....i'm still a hardcore gamer, but i manage to reduce my gametime to only 2-4 hours per week....Last time, i played 18 hours straight in a day....my unbeatable record...

I have few regrets and its my fault. I admit it.

My love.....

2009-05-02T03:51:00.003+08:00

You have no idea.....
How hard this is for me....
To have loved you....
To have missed you...
You certainly have no idea....

My passion for you began since we first met,
We were inseparatable...
Love has brought us close...
You have never been out of my sight
nor my mind....

But now my obligations has made us separated....
How hard has this been to me...
To love but cannot be togther...
How I wish I can go back to time...
And enjoy every single minute with you...

You have all my heart...
You opened everything that has been locked away in my heart...
I owed so much to you...
Oh, if only I could spend time with you longer....

BURGER KING!!!! HOW I WISH I COULD EAT YOUR BURGERS AGAIN!!!!!!!!!

P/S : The boycott against US product dah habis belom????

My description of every single person in MD41....

2009-04-23T00:32:00.007+08:00

I'm gonna describe every single one of my classmates......What I say here is based on my observation for almost a year already.....I'm not very close to everyone....So if I did some mistakes, please do inform me.....

I'll start with the guys...

Ciko - Talented, knowledgable and wise.....He is a man of my own heart.....He learns what he needs to learn....and a very funny person......

He' - Wonderful person, Loves to smile, care for his friends.....He really do cares for his friend. I'm honoured to be given the previllege to have your friendship.

Afiq - Playful, athletic and caring. Wonders lies ahead of you. I don't know what it is....It is for you to discover it.

Ikmal - Quiet, Shy and sometimes a funny guy. You opened my mind to something new and wonderful. You actually have so much potential.

Suleiman - Wonderful friend, Truthful, Funny guy.....You offer so much to me, but so little that you demand in return. I'm honoured to be given the previllege to have your friendship.

Anuar - Playful, sometimes dilligent, and athletic. You left a mark in my life that will never be able to be vanquished.

Fikhri - Caring friend, Lovely, and loves to smile. You sometimes saves my day, and I thank you for that.

And now the girls in my class...... I'm sorry, can't explain much about girls....

Farah - Dilligent, funny at times, and rather quiet.....You made my day sometimes just by smiling :D

Dayang - Caring, funny, and sometimes wonderful.....You certainly took a great deal about friendship and at times, wonderful....

Ika Ramping - Funny, dilligent and wonderful.....You have unique personality that till today I still cannot analyse.....I sometimes wonder whats playing in your mind...

Gee - Funny, Sweet voice, and caring......Your presence made something bored into something interesting....Keep up the good work...

Ikea - Funny, Lively, sweet.....You made a dull day turn interesting with lots of laughter... I'm honoured to be your friend... You changed my perception towards life....and at times, you made me feel at home...

Aien - Wonderful, sweet, and have lovely smile......I sometimes like to watch you smile and that already made my day....

Naurah - Energetic, Charismatic, Independent.....You are wonderful at times, and loves to smile....Loves to laugh and your laughter can be a lift up spirits at hard times.....

Najaa - Sweet, mysterious, and cares for your friends....I may not know you very much, but just to see you, I already know the type of person you are...Person that cares for her friends

Angel - Funny, wonderful, and energetic....You are someone that loves to brighten other peoples day even when hopes are down.....You changed peoples day...

Amirah - Thoughtful, lively, and mysterious.....You definitely can hide your emotions well....I sometimes wonder what you are actually feeling...

Madihah - Funny, smart, and wonderful.....You are a woman that is highly independent and does everything on a purpose....I've worked with you before and It has always been a Pleasure.

Myra - Quiet, Cute, and have lovely eyes........You sometimes make me wonder, where are you looking at.....I can sometimes stare your eyes and admire them....

Fana - Smart, thoughtful and funny.....I always been impressed with the way you handle things and coping with changes in your life....Keep up the good work... :)

Afifah - Cute, funny at times, and have lovely eyes......Yeah, you have a pair of mesmerizing eyes and I love to look at them.....That's the reason why I looked at you sometimes....but please don't get mad at me.... :D

Ismawani - Sophisticated, Funny, lively..... You looked so matured and sometimes I feel comfortable with your presence.....Thank you....

There's one more person....Thats me...I'll leave it up to you guys to comment about me....Write it in the comment will ya?