Lines in an infinite plane

As I stood in the rain and my hair dancing in the wind, I remembered the years behind me. I've met a lot of people. Some I don't mind calling them a friend, some I just couldn't remember (Sorry!). Most importantly, they taught me about friendship. Regardless of who you are, and where you're from, if I've talked to you and shared memories together at any point in my life, you have already taught me what it's like to have friends.

I'm not Mr. Popular nor am I Mr. Smart in anywhere I've been. So, I don't really have much of friends. I'm not lonely too like how some people would see me. I just don't look for people as much. I have this idea not to bug people so much about their lives. Its just annoying i think? Perhaps not. I'll give it a try some other time.

I always believed that each and everyone of us is drawing a line in an infinite imaginary plane. Some of the lines meet eventually somehow, somewhere. While some, run parallel to each other and sadly, never meant to be ever in touch. Maybe if you're reading this, our lines are close to each other and maybe someday we're bound to meet again. I'll be glad if that happens.

I always wonder about those lines that would never meet with mine. Its just so full of possibilities that one of those lines could be your best friend, but sadly we're not destined to meet. If you think about it, you have this idea that all 7 billion of those lines, you're bound to meet one that fits who you are. Interesting how fate, destiny or whatever you call it works. I believe everything happens for a reason and He decides what the reason is.

So be glad of whoever you have as your friend. Though some of them you wish you never met. But whoever that one friend of yours, they do teach you something about friendship.

So, look at the bigger picture! If you don't find someone interesting, you'll have a long way in life to meet more people. Just be nice =)

The Palestinian Issue

The upcoming U.N assembly is one of the most anticipated meetings by all Islamic nation. Why? Because Palestine is trying to upgrade their status.

United Nations have 3 groups of members. The lowest of them is "non-state entity" which is Palestine. It's the only nation that is branded as such. What does that mean? It means you dont have a land and your country doesnt exist. You're a group of people on the face of the Earth that doesnt belong anywhere. So, what does this group of people called Palestine can do in a UN assembly? They have a right to speak and only speak. They cannot vote or suggest a notion. In other words, you only speak when the big boys let you speak. That is the UN permanent security council members. This non-state entity also can't circulate documents, submit proposals, and also speak in debates. Unless allowed to do so.... By the big boys.

The second level of members is "non-state members". Such example is the Holy See which has soverignity over the Vatican city. They are granted a permanent observer status. It means you can do whatever you want like any other nation but you just cant vote on any resolutions. They have every previlige that other member nations have except the voting rights.

The third group is the member states. These groups have the full membership of the UN. It comprises of 193 nations and they get full rights. They vote on 10 non-permanent security council member, vote on any resolution, and vote on the secretary-general of the UN. They also can suggest a notion like "Israel is invading my territory". To gain full membership, you have to get 2/3 majority votes from the existing UN members and also all 5 permanent security council members which are; Russia, China, France, United Kingdom and United States.

President Mahmoud Abbas submitted an official application for a full membership in the UN assembly in 2011 for Palestine but was immediately given warning by The US. They said they will freeze financial aid to Palestine and will veto against the decision even if all 193 UN members and 4 permanent securty council members approved the application. Unfortunately, if US vetoed the decision, it won't be able to pass. Such is the unfairness in this world. Can you even imagine the harm of these small group of people not more than 5 million who barely have enough space for themselves, can do to the United States of whom have nuclear warheads and the strongest military in the world?

The US even threaten the UN to decrease their financial aid to the UN which comprises of 22% of UN's annual budget. What is this? What the hell is UN's function if it's being controlled by a single nation? Whats the point of having UN? Don't they learned from the predecessors of UN? When personal interests exceeds the interests of mankind, thats what happened in League of Nations. A world war broke out.

Sadly, President Mahmoud had to settle for less. That is the second level of membership; the "non-member state". Application for this only need 2/3 majority of UN members. Currently there are 126 states that approved Palestine's status. Even then, Israel and the US is getting nervy and fussy.

When Israel was formed, they don't have any land or a government! But they were given a membership instantly after President Theodore Roosevelt (US president) suggested it. They should have been given the non-state entity status! I also wonder where the hell did the UN have the power to draw International borders. There is no such thing in the UN's charter provisions. Even if the US does so, Palestine should still be a member because part of the agreement was to let the Nation of Israel to be co-existing with the land of Palestine. It means two countries in the same land. Although it was heavily protested by the Arab league, but the UN has no function because any notion was always veto-ed by the US.

In the end, the Arab League had to go for war. It was Egypt and Syria who began first. Followed by Jordan. The rest was technically quiet in the Israel-Arab war. The Americans and their Allies immediately sanctioned all Arab nations. Even if they dont participate in the war because they are afraid if they supply Egypt, Syria and Jordan with military aid and equipments. As a result, it was crippling. Egypt as a military nation saw there is no way they could win the war with the US backing Israel. The tremendous military support that was given to Israel was endless. At the same time, Egypt with frailing economy from the sanctions was struggling to pick up the pace of war. Its a matter of time before Israel will be able to invade Egypt and claim soverignity.

President Anwar Saadat (Egyptian President) saw an opportunity for truce. He finally signed the Peace treaty with Israel and recognizing Israel's existence alongside Palestine. It's the first Arab Nation to have recognized Israel as a nation.

So why am I talking about this? Its a short history of Palestine and Israel, and how Israel along with US robbed Palestine's right and existence. I do not have the power to change the fate of Palestine but Palestine will always be in my prayers. I feel the least I could do is to let other people know about the defect in the UN and the Israel's existence that was fabricated. And also why the Arab nations decided to stop the Israeli war before "we" start to throw blames at them. It would take quite some time to write every single detail of the Palestine Issue in this blog. Maybe if one day I could have all the time in the world to write it. Perhaps we even might be able to come up with a solution after knowing more about the Palestine Issue. I hope you guys learn something here. May Allah be with the Palestinians.

Sorry for the long post. And the bad English.

What if?

The ultimate question  man struggled to answer. What if?

So what exactly is what if? Is it a form of regret? Is it a form of disappointment? There are moments in our life where things went terribly wrong, and we always asked ourselves what if? But sometimes, it might not have to be something so serious. Even trivial stuffs. Saying what if I bought curry puffs instead of a plate of nasi lemak? Often following the question would be the guilt of it. Such as..

What if I bought curry puffs instead of a plate of nasi lemak? I wouldn't be so full and sleepy in lecture.

Hehe. That's just me. My point is, am I regretting? Or am I just trying to fend off the guilt by asking a rhetorical question to myself?

What if?  What if I went to a different school? What if I'm born smarter?

Creating an alternate time dimension, often parallel to the current time might indicate that the reality is not good enough. We try to escape our reality by creating a new us in our imagination. Looking at ourselves, better and improved where everything is about you. YES! YOU! Isn't it nice? The fantasy world never stops to amaze us because it's the perfect world to live in. 

Unfortunately, reality catches up sooner or later. Like it or not, the reality is here and you are in it. Creating a parallel time dimension in your mind doesn't stop it either. It only makes the reality even worse to your eyes. It's like watching a movie. A real good movie. One that you wish it would never end. But once it did, you find your reality is boring, sad to say. It might not apply to all people though, but I bet mostly will. Hence, what if?

I'm just saying, sometimes people want to have a better life. They dreamed of it. Better grades, better car, better home. Of course, our imagination knows no limit. That's the beauty of imagination. But it takes you away from reality.

Accepting reality is a first way to a happier life. Or at least what I think it is. It's hard. I have a hard time to accept reality at times too, but being content with what I have, takes it all to a different level. That is for another day to write about.

My point here, day dreaming is not wrong, neither it is right. It is part of us having imagination. While imagination has no limit, you should know your limit for your imagination. Don't let it suck reality away from you. That's probably why depression is so hard to treat to some people. Be glad! Be glad of your reality because you are not you, if it weren't for the harsh reality of today and the past.

You are special because of what you went through, not what you try to achieve or what you dream to achieve. 

So I leave you guys with this question...Ask yourselves.

What if...?

You're gone too soon :(

When I first heard of you, I didn't know what I'd expect. I never knew we could be so close for too soon. Next thing you know, we're running around together. I still can't believe you're gone.

It really felt like it was yesterday when we share the night together. Each time when we go our separate ways, I'd always ask how you've been doing. Its just too cruel for you to leave so soon. I remember your voice like it's a playlist in my mind. The video of you I took kept playing on my phone, reminiscing all the sweet memories together.

I remember I ran around and you were chasing me like I'm supposed to protect you. You stay close for warmth and comfort and I'm so sad I wasn't there for you. I wish I could see you one more time and walk together. Calling your name and you replied. I didn't know what you were saying but it was cute to me.

I'm just so sorry I wasn't there. I wished I could have protected you. I should have.

People say every meeting will end with a goodbye. I remember the very first time we meet but I couldn't remember how we say goodbye. I never knew that was the last goodbye. They are right. Every meeting ends with a goodbye. But I'd say, we only part to meet again. Till next time Beep-Beep. I will remember you always.


Rest in Peace.

My beloved pet Beep-Beep
(19 Sept 12 - 2 Oct 12)

Stage 3

Hi everyone. It's been a while since I've written anything in here. It's not because I'm lazy to write, it's just because there's not much time. Alhamdulillah, I've progressed to stage 3.

Stage 3 is actually third year. It's really hectic. Way different than stage 1 and 2. Despite being heavily clinical, I kinda enjoy it. Osces from stage 1 and 2 is really useful at this stage, although I forgotten a lot of them. With practice, InsyaAllah, I'll be fluent with my clinical examination.

The thing is stage 3 is pretty much like House M.D. Most of the times there are 4 of us with a lecturer/specialist and sometimes 2. After taking a history from the patient as well as physical examination, we'll sit down together and discuss our differential diagnosis.What possible investigation that can be done to help the patient. Interestingly, it really takes you back to what you've learned for the past 2 years.

I hope this year will be a meaningful year and pretty much hoping that I can see medicine's true colour in Malaysia. I know it's not perfect, but it's the best that we have right now. Cheers! =)

A father's and Palestinian love...

It's been a busy week, preparing for exams and osces but I can't help to stop for a while and write something up for what happened in the middle east, the land of Jerusalem. I found this article that translate a prisoner's letter for his 2-year old daughter name Lamar. His daughter was born after he was detained by the Israeli. He's Thaer Hallelah. The man on a hunger strike.

It brought me to tears.

Below is a translated version of Thaer’s letter, by Jalal Najjar:

“My Beloved Lamar, forgive me because the occupation took me away from you, and took away from me the pleasure of witnessing my firstborn child that I have always prayed to God to see, to kiss, to be happy with. It is not your fault; this is our destiny as Palestinian people to have our lives and the lives of our children taken away from us, to be apart from each other and to have a miserable life. Nothing is complete in our lives because of this unjust occupation that is lurking on every corner of our lives turning it into eeriness, a continuous pursuit and torture. Despite the fact that I was deprived from holding you and hearing your voice, from watching you grow up and move around in the house and in your bed, and that I was deprived of my role as a human and a father with my daughter, your existence has given me all the power and hope, and when I saw your picture with your mother in the sit-in tent, you were so calm staring in wonder at people, as if you were looking for your father, looking at my pictures that are hung inside the tent asking in silence why is my father not coming back. I felt that you are with me, in my sentiment and inside my mind, as if you are a part of my heartbeats, steadfast and the blood that flows in my veins, opening all doors for me spreading clear skies around me, and unleashing your free childish voice after this long silence.”

“Lamar my love: I know that you are not to be blamed and that you don’t yet understand why your father is going through this battle of hunger strike for the 75th day, but when you grow up you will understand that the battle of freedom is the battle of going back to you, so that I can never be taken away from you again or to be deprived of your smile or seeing you, so that the occupier will never kidnap me again from you.”

“When you grow up you will understand how injustice was brought upon your father and upon thousands of Palestinians whom the occupation has put in prisons and jail cells, shattering their lives and future for no reason other then their pursuit of freedom, dignity and independence. You will know that your father did not tolerate injustice and submission, and that he would never accept insult and compromise, and that he is going through a hunger strike to protest against the Jewish state that wants to turn us into humiliated slaves without any rights or patriotic dignity.”

“My beloved Lamar keep your head up always and be proud of your father, and thank everyone who supported me, who supported the prisoners in their struggle, and don’t be afraid for God is with us always, and God never lets down people who have faith and patience. We are righteous, and right will always prevail against injustice and wrong doers.”

“Lamar my love: that day will come, and I will make it up to you for everything, and tell you the whole story, and your days that will follow will be more beautiful, so let your days pass now and wear your prettiest clothes, run and then run again in the gardens of your long life, go forward and forward for nothing is behind you but the past, and this is your voice I hear all the time as a melody of freedom”.

Credits to Maan News agency and the translator. 

Merdeka, Independence and Malaysia

"Kita kena bergabung untuk lawan mereka ni!"


"Sampai bila nak berdiam? Hak orang Melayu akan hilang! Anak cucu kita nanti yang terpaksa tanggung kesilapan kita!"


Dato' Onn Jaafar said these words more than half a decade ago. He was then fighting for a the rights of the Malays, indigenous people of Malaya. The British, who colonised Malaya, proposed the formation of Malayan Union, which gives Britain sovereignty on Malaya even after independence. Anyone is eligible to become citizens of Malayan Union. Dato' Onn Jaafar formed a party of which he named United Malays National Organization(UMNO). It started out as group searching for their rights on their own soil and complete independence after being colonised for more than 6 centuries. A rally was called for and many people attended it.


Formation of UMNO upsets the non-malay race which at that time was part of the community that makes up Malaya. They fear that they would have to leave Malaya if UMNO gains independence and their demands being met by the British Empire. Hence, the Malayan Chinese  Association (MCA) was formed. Their leader was Tan Cheng Lock. Similarly there was also Malayan Indian Congress (MIC) representing the Indians.


All of them have one same goal (Independence of Malaya) and yet neither of them wants to back down from having their demands met. Finally, MCA and MIC agreed how the Malays would be head of state, drawn by the Malay Sultans, Malay would be the official language, and Malay's education and economic development would be promoted and subsidised. In return, the Chinese and Indians would have proportionate members of parliament and their economic position is unharmed. The coalition Barisan Nasional was made with all parties joined in with a mission, the independence of Malaya.


Malaya finally gained independence from the British Empire after 6 centuries of being colonised by different nations and empires.


Its been 55 years since then. Malaya is no longer Malaya, it's Malaysia now. Things have changed. As time progress, one would wonder, will the history of our nation be forgotten? Perhaps not. As long as there is people who appreciates the fight that these people had fought for, so long it will not die the great sacrifice that all races had to bear. The unity then was great. Barisan Nasional's mission has long accomplished. It's been more than half a century that BN ruled over the soil of Malaysia.


Saying all these history of how BN gain independence from Britain does not make me a supporter of them. Nor am I against them. I am merely stating the history behind our great nation. Like it or not, it is the history and you can't change that. No one can deny the fact that BN obtained independence from Britain for the people. You have to give credit to them for having the courage for standing up against the biggest Empire of the world and said "I want to be free!".


It's ironic how the BN used to rally against the British Empire and now the Malaysian people are rallying against BN. Is it time that BN finally step down and give opportunity to others for ruling of Malaysia? Well, perhaps. Being too long in power can sometimes cloud your eyes for fair treatment and honesty in power.


I don't know the truth of how corrupt the government is nor do I know how truthful the opposition is. But I've been sitting and looking at our great Nation and where it is heading. Certainly a progress, but not all progress is good. To say that I'm in favour of BN staying as the government, not quite because I would want to see a change in the political positions of Malaysia. But I certainly don't like how a group of parties with different aims ruling Malaysia.


If the opposition is ever going to rule Malaysia, they will need to sit down and talk. What is their purpose? Was it just to overthrow BN? What are they fighting for? Because as far as I know PKR promotes its ideals that revolves around social justice and anti-corruption themes, PAS with its aim to establish Malaysia as a nation based on Islamic legal theory and DAP with its secular, multi-racial, social democratic ideals

Honestly, I like to see a change in Malaysia. The people of Malaysia is maturing. They know they have the power to make a change. That is good. I'm happy for what has become to the Malaysian people. Change will come, most definitely. I am sure of it. And it will be up to the Malaysian people to decide. Compromise is the key word here. The government no matter the BN or the PR can't meet the demands of everyone. No one can satisfy everyone. Just remember that.

I just wish that the people would know this. Careful not to overthrow a tyrant just to crown another tyrant on the throne because all tyrants are the same.

All the best Malaysia! May Allah look upon you :)

p.s : In this blog entry, I have no intention of downgrading any party of Malaysia. It is just a humble opinion and how I see our nation is. If what was written here offended you by any way, then I apologize. Please bear in mind that I'm not in support of any political party at the moment. Thank you for reading.

The blistering cold..

Charlie sits there like a free man with a blanket no thicker than a phone. His dirty, stained with dirt hand reaches out, asking for alms. Funny how few months ago he was a man with 2 mortgages and 3 cars.

Charlie was a business man. Like every other business man, what he does is playing with risk. Making investments here and there; taking a risk. It just so happens that Charlie took the wrong risk at the wrong time. In these days, recession hits everyone Charlie included. He remembers the day when he was finally chased out by the Bank that he owes money from. It was sad. His wife divorced him, took the kids and went back to her family down south.

The one thing he never regrets was upholding his principle. He accepts what he has and what he doesn't. In his mind, he's a poor man with a value. Well, at least he has something in him.

Charlie, of course, sleeps on the street. He starts wandering around at 7am and ask for alms. By 12 noon, he'd make enough to have a piece of bread for lunch. After that he would wander off again till he gets enough for dinner. That was his daily routine. Much like when he was still working. 7am at work, 12 noon lunch break and continue off till dinner time. Funny how our life dictates us the same even when we have nothing.

There was once, a man who Charlie had saved from being robbed. The man was in his late 60s, 5ft 8in, medium build with a white beard. His name was Arthur. This man has been living alone for 20 years after his wife died. Hasn't got any kids. Charlie would be about the age of his son, if his son were still alive.

Arthur let Charlie stay in his home for a few days. Heck, for as long as he wants. Arthur probably knew that if he gave that offer to a homeless guy, that guy would never leave. But there was something in Charlie that Arthur saw. Something so special that it made Arthur trust him well enough. Besides, he could use some company.

Charlie never knew his dad. Never knew what is daddy's love like. That night, he imagined Arthur as his father. Although it might be far-fetched because Charlie looks nothing like him but it gave a sense of comfort to him. It felt like home.

After quite some time, Charlie felt so comfortable he thought he never want to leave. Arthur insist that he stay until he is able to find a job again. To stand up on his two feet. But the economy was bad. It was a global recession, one that many analyst define as the Great Depression.

Arthur saved enough money during his work days, he could feed a family of four for 10 years in the recession. Arthur was a man who saves money for times of trouble. All those years paid off finally.

Charlie felt it was wrong. He's poor. He's homeless. But yet he's in a home. Comfy and warm. His clothes are clean and tidy. He gets hot shower in the morning. A bed and a pillow to sleep. A kitchen to cook and eat. A living room to enjoy. He has what normal people has and yet he has nothing.

So Charlie takes his old clothes, one that he kept in a box in the wardrobe. He puts on his sock while sitting on the stairs. He take one last look in the house. A place of warmth. Arthur is sound asleep. Being an old man, he sleeps early. Charlie muster up his courage to face reality. One that he was meant to be. He opens the door, and head into the blistering cold.

A stigma..

Stigma is a very big part of medicine especially in mental health issues. Almost everyone experienced stigma. But it is more prevalent in those with an illness.

Just what the hell is this stigma??

I think an example would best show what it is. For example, a man with a previous history of severe depression, wanted to rent a flat. The owner is fine with him staying as long as he stays away from his young children. The man in return replied "I'm not a child-eater you know. I'm human just like you." The man who is completely fine, in good health, is experiencing stigma enacted by his landlord. That is stigma.

It might seem trivia but it doesn't when we ourselves experienced it. Stigma comes in many form. Even in the form that other people can't see. That is felt stigma. A stigma that is within the person anticipating an enacted stigma.

People sometimes need to stop judging people from what they had in their past. Sometimes, even health care professionals enact stigma on patients. I know it's difficult to not prejudice to someone else just because they had bi-polar disorder, or schizophrenia, but if they do not do anything to you, then why should do anything to them? Why prejudice?

I read an article once in British Medical Journal about the life story of the article's author himself...He was a medical student who had bi-polar disorder. He dropped out of med school for failing exams and had a trouble with the police force. However, he got help and got better in a year. He then requested the med school for a second chance and was lucky to be given one.

Since then he got numerous prize for outstanding performances. He also completed a PhD and currently doing another one as well. He's married, have two lovely kids and a three-legged cat.

The thing is, he knew what it was like to be stigmatised. People were telling him to quit because of his mental health illness. But he kept on going proving others wrong. He said, stigma is like a disease. It spreads from one person to another.

People choose what they want to believe but they didn't think for once that they might be wrong. People who had mental health or any illness is no different from us. It's their action today that define who they are at the moment.

Why prejudice? They are us, and we are them. No one likes to be judged by others, so why should you?

Back to the past...

Scrolling through the blog for one more time. Ahhh...memories~ But wait! OH GOD WHY!? Just had the moment when you realize how stupid you were for posting stuffs that you didn't give much thought. Oh well, everyone had their moments in life when you hope you'd do better.

Hope all those experience made me a better person today than I ever was. However, it was enjoyable to read how one's mind evolve over time especially if that person is you yourself! The human mind and emotions are very peculiar. As if unpredictable in terms of ageing.

I've never really give it much thought but does human thinking behaviour and present emotions will affect your ageing and thinking development?

Oddly enough, I'll probably let the future of this blog decide :)

Till then! Teraaahh!

Salam.