Happy Belated Birthday Daddy (A kiss for my Father)

It has been 5 days since my Father's Birthday. I hadn't had the free time to write an entry for him. I thank God that my Father lives yet another year. I'm sure you guys have read the entry before this. I love my Father and my family a lot. On the day, I recalled an incident which also made me cry every single time I remembered it.

The air was cold and the night was really quiet. Only the TV was on and I was sitting beside my father's bed. Having a corporate insurance, my dad was admitted to a single bed ward. Though sounds nice, but it wasn't close to comfortable. I was sitting on the sofa, gazing through the glass window, overlooking the buildings outside.

My dad and mum was sitting side by side on the side bed. They were whispering something of which I couldn't catch what it was. My brother was sleeping right beside me. I remember the room was gloomy. My dad had to undergo an operation, and being sick before(the one that he was admitted into ICU), his risk was 5 times higher than the usual operation. I convinced my dad to undergo the surgery and I'm certain that it will improve his health.

He turned off the TV and the air was still. No sound was heard, not even a sound of breath. The room was really quiet...

"Ti (A name that my parents call me), come here" My dad said....

"Yes daddy?"

"Come and sit down. Grab a chair will you?"

I followed his intructions and took a chair and sat right in front of him. Beside him was my mum. I couldn't tell what was it all about, but I guessed it wasn't gonna be a fun talk.

My dad took out a notebook and a pen.

He asked me to write down whatever that he's saying. And when he started to talk, I was shocked!

My dad was asking me to write his will. I wasn't prepared for any of this. I looked at my dad, seeking for a truth or perhaps a certainty in his eyes....but it seems he hid it well. I knew he was devastated and I too was devastated.....

All I wanted to do was to hug him and kissed him at that time. I wanted him to say that he will make it out of the surgery. I wanted him to tell me that everything is gonna be fine. That he will walk out one day out of the hospital, and I'd laugh to his jokes. I wanted him to tell me that he'll be there when I graduate from college. I wanted him to promise me that he'll be okay...

But he never did. He kept on talking. And I kept on writing. As I wrote, my heart was broken. It was only days after my eighteenth birthday and that night my dad said "I want you to take care of the family if anything were to happen to me. I want you to be a leader. I want you to guide this family as you did when I was in the ICU. I know you can do it. I know you will do it"

As a child who barely turned 18, I was crying inside. A burden to bear as a leader of a family. How do I even know where to start? My dad once told me that you'll know what to do when you're ready. But am I ready? Will I make it? Will my family prevail if anything were to happen to him?

He's the heart and soul of the family. He's the pillar that we all hang on to. If he's broken, I'll be the one to replace that pillar. But am I strong enough to uphold the burden?

When we were finished, I stood by the glass window and cried. I don't know whether my dad heard me or not but I sure was crying silently. I couldn't count the number of times I cried for my dad. Each time remembering all this could bring me to tears.

I never slept that night. I couldn't. The room was really quiet. Everybody's sleeping but I wasn't. I stood by my father's bed. He was fast asleep.

I examined his face, never wanting to forget his looks if anything were to happen to him. I came up close to him and kissed his forehead. I even hugged him thinking that it could be my last hug for my father. There was this feeling of the uncertainty that really frightens me. Tomorrow is a mystery, and it will forever be that way.

I sat back on the sofa, reminiscing all my sweet memories with my father. As I glanced outside the window, I fell into a deep sober. Will everything be ok tomorrow? That's a question that kept me awake all night long....


The reason I wrote this is to tell you guys what I've been through as an eldest son. It was tough and it never was easy. I'm grateful to Allah S.W.T for giving me this test of faith. For without it, I wouldn't have know the true meaning of family and responsibility.

I am most grateful to Allah S.W.T for giving my father a second chance of living. Syukur Alhamdullilah....