What happened at 3.00 AM.....

Its been 6 years now....it still feels like yesterday.....never before have I voiced this out publicly. And I've been telling this to people so that it won't repeat....Its been a burden to bear.....

Now I feel that it is time......People should know what happened to me at 3.00 AM ......


Let me tell you as if it was happening right now.....

6 years ago.....

I looked up in the sky and noticed the moon was as bright as the sun.....We could see few metres ahead of us and the clear bright light from the moon has been really helpful for this camping....

It's been a year now since I joined scouts....I had my bitter times and my sweet times. And Mr.X here was there for me everytime I was in trouble.... There was a time when I was caught red-handed for spilling out the whole patrol's lunch but he took full responsibility for it...Never have I owed so much to a person...

We were on duty for patrol that night....Our last patrol..... It was 2.30 AM, I was getting sleepy and exhausted but he was still guarding the campsite as if it was only just a minute had passed.....

"Jom jalan....aku mengantuk la" I said to him

He nodded in agreement and stood up. I too, stood up and we strolled in the compound..... There was nothing to do at night patrol except looking at people's camp, strolling around, and chat.

We walked and started to chat....

"Exam kau yang lepas ok ke?" I asked

"Ok je....tapi takde la power sangat"

"Oh...bagus la camtu....next time kau kena naik pentas, ambil anugerah.....kalau tak, aku sekel kepala kau"

"Wah, ni dah melampau...hahahaa. Ok, aku cuba. Wei Danial, ko kena janji kat aku dulu....Lepas habis sekola ni, ko kena jadi sama ada Doktor atau Businessman"

"Weh, susah la nak jadi Doktor....Ko ingat senang ke....Exam aku punye result pun terumbang-ambing....Ko nak aku jadi doktor????"

We chatted all night while patrolling the campsite.....We were close friends...nothing more than that....

Then, at exactly 3.00 AM....

"Pkul brape ni?" He asked

"Tepat 3 pagi"

"Oh"

We were walking on a straight road....It was when we saw that 'thing'. Our eyes met it.....we gave it a stare.... Not sure of what it is, we yell the code...

"Burung!!!!!"

no reply.

"Burung!!!!"

Still no reply.....The air is silent.....

"Dia tau tak yang dia kena jawab 'hantu'. Kod kita burung hantu kan?" I said

"Yer la, tapi kalau dia bukan orang kita?"

My blood went cold.....By looking at his face, I felt his was the same too....Wind was blowing....strangely never before wind blew this strong in the middle of the night....

Dogs howling.....Birds chirping and flying away....Leafs falling from trees...

Something was about to happen....and we didn't realised it... It stood about 30 meters from us...Quite a distance...Our duty was suppose to report any strange incidents to our superiors but this was completely different. There's something about this 'thing' that kept me standing
there...unmoved...emotionless.....

" Cepat.....kita kena report ni...." He said loudly,overcoming the sound of the wind blowing..... grasping my hand....

"Kejap...aku nak tengok ape dia buat..." I said foolishly... hypnotized by it....

Then, it began.


......



It was all my fault.....I couldn't bear it....writing this down is really..............I don't know what to say....Its painful for me...........

I'm sorry...I'll continue on, when I have the strength....

Forgive me...

Please forgive me if I ever hurt you,

Please forgive me for being not true,

Please forgive me if I ever scold you,

Please believe me, I never meant to hurt you

Please forgive me.....

The sorrow in my heart has become unbearable. Please forgive me for what I had posted earlier on about "her" in which I took the liberty of deleting the post. I was foolish and was filled with anger. Emotions took over my logic.

I hope you would forgive me if i hurt your feelings as I forgave for any wrongs that you had done. I'm sure they are not intentional. I just don't have the guts or courage yet....to apologise to you face-to-face.

This goes to every reader of my blog. I would like to apologise to all of you if I have caused nothing but trouble to you whether in the cyberworld or in reality. I just want you to know that my apology is deeply sincere and its fine if you don't want to accept my apology. I understand it.....

I, too hope that my blog would not cause any trouble to any of you. If there are any, please inform me as I would delete posts that are rather offensive. Please state in the comments whether you dislike my blog and want it to be removed.

I never did gave any gratitude to my blog readers. Thank you!! This blog won't be active at all if there weren't any readers.

Please take note that whatever written in this blog is straight from my heart and have no intention of defaming anyone.........

In this blog, my heart is the architect........my heart is the typist........and my heart is the Author. I hope from this blog, you would be able to know me more.......

Please understand......

Is it wrong for me to choose home over some activities which apparently of no benefit to me?

Is it wrong for me to ease a mother's pain of wanting to be with her son that had never been separated from her for 17 years?

What wrong had i done? And yet you all detest, despise, loathe me for going home? Yet you judge me, even when you know nothing of me....

What is so great about astro? Do you know it is spreading hatred amongst us? Spreading dreadful news about true leader just for profits? Spreading hedonisme within our community?

Sorry, to me, family comes first. Its my principles.

And if you don't like me for that, i have nothing else to say to you.

Please understand how i feel........
Please be a good friend and understand......
And for that, I thank you.

Lesson learned...

Today, the college had a camp for us, IB students. And we started off with the game which in scouts we call caterpillar. The game is very tiring. And my team drawed with one of the opposing team...i dun recall much of this game, and all i remember is i was completely exhausted. Straight after that was wrestling. My team loss though, 3-2. But, i'm proud of it. Only then, we were given a break, a half and hour break. Before that, the facee said,
"Sambil jalan-jalan tu, ingat apa pengajaran yg kita dpt tadi."

so, i was going back to my room completely exhausted, and half-dead. Then, i lied down on my bed, gazing the rotating fan.

And i realise what i gain from the activity just now was only pain and tiredness.

My eyes was half-close, but after this have to go for another activity. But a thought came to my mind. I knew exactly what i learned.

Losing is not anyone else's fault but our own. If someone tried his/her very best but yet he/she failed. And for that, i should not blame him/her, but instead i should thanked and congratulate that person, for he/she has moved to another level, willing to give his/her very best for the team and for themselves.

Its this attitude that keep someone motivated, keep someone moving forward.

If any of you have worked by my side, perhaps some of you realised that, i would say "Great job" even if we failed. Its what i've been trying to instill within me....to keep helping someone motivated.

To those that worked with me either lab patners, classmate, club members, and i forgot to say anything, here's for you

"Great job and i'm sorry from the bottom of my heart if i have caused nothing but trouble to you."


P/S: sorry for the bad english.....was typing this with my phone :P

Legacy.....

What do you see when you saw an old person? Or perhaps a very young person? Someone waiting for the time of his death..or.beginning the dawn of his life.

Perhaps some of you see the same thing as i do. See the abstract that only some could.

What is it that i truly see?

I see that we are their LEGACY. We will continue on their life's work.

A simple example is our parents. The way that we act, our achievement, it all reflects on our parents.

Imagine when you are successful 20 years later. Wouldn't you ever realise that your parents are the one that moulded you into what you are now? The values that your parents teached you when you're young and you're applying it in all your life.

Your parents sacrifice a lot in order to make who you are now. Your parents can just spend their moneecy, going holiday, shopping, and all that. But instead, they saves their money, for your education.

Why are they willing to do this?

Because they believe that once that a children fails, they too fail as a parent.

So, respect your old man. Give the utmost love to them. Because they won't be there for you forever. Don't regret once they're gone.

Love them, Cherish them, Respect them.

Learning Guitar

I played guitar for these few days....

So far two songs just finished learn. Man Bai - Kau Ilhamku and Saiful - Ku juga mencintai dirimu. ( Simplified versions of coz....short short one.....)

Not bad for someone who learn by himself rite???

Ok la....not pro yet...still amateur but I'm getting somewhere....

Currently learning Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton.....Leman kedekut tak mau ajar....So have to learn by myself...Only can play intro....sob sob (T.T)

Anyway, Life must go on......

I'm Sorry.....

I never knew the reasons, I wish I could stop it,

I wish I could go back in time,

I'm Sorry !, I should have been there!

Tension????

The Moment you are in Tension
You will lose your Attention
Then you are in total Confusion
And you will feel Irritation
Then you will spoil personal Relation
Ultimately, you won't get Co - Operation
Then you will make things Complication
Then your blood pressure may raise Caution
And you may have to take Medication
Instead, understand the Situation
And try to think about the Solution
Many problems will be solved by Discussion
This will work out better in your Profession
Don't think it's my free Suggestion
It's only for your Prevention
If you understand my Intention
You will never come again to Tension

Can't fight this feeling anymore

I can' fight this feeling any longer

But yet I'm afraid to let it flow,

What started it out as friendship has grown stronger,

I only wish I had the strength to let it show.

I tell myself that I can't hold out forever,

I say there is no reason for my fear,

Cause I feel so secure when we're together,

You give my life direction, You make everything so clear,

And even as I wander, I'm keeping you in sight,

You're candle in the window, on a cold winter's night,

I'm getting closer than I ever I thought I might,

And I can't fight this feeling anymore,

I forgotten what I started fighting for,

It's time to bring this ship into the shore,

And throw away the oars forever,

Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore,

I've forgotten what I started fighting for,

And if I have to crawl upon the floor,

Came crashing your door,

Baby, I can't this feeling anymore.

Heheeee.........Who can tell what is this about....There's a prize to those who get the answer right....(^_^).....Its kinda a riddle too

I'll delete this post soon enough....better hurry and solve it.

There's nothing left to say....but Goodbye

My sister embark on a long journey, leaving the family behind in order to carry on her duty as a medical student. The sad look on her face enough to tell me that she don't want to leave. I hugged her one more time before she go down the escalator towards the custom check.....She turned back...and waved as she walked through the corridor.

You,

Would never ask me why,

My heart is so disguise,

I just can't live a lie anymore,

I would rather hurt myself,

Than to ever make you cry,

There's nothing left to say,

But Goodbye.

I could not help to wonder what would it be like to leave your family behind and travel half way around the world, knowing that you would probably not return....

But one thing for sure, its agonizing.....

Free as stated in the Hippocratic Oath

I was in the ENT clinic or for those who do not know....its Ear, Nose and Throat. And the doctor there was plainly dressed and even I wouldn't have thought even a second that he was a doctor. And I admire him for that.


He checked my ear and gave a little treatment with his gizmos...The reason why I came to the ENT clinic because the other day when I was at the waterworld, probably lots of water entered my right ear and I couldn't hear stuff properly.



We chat after that and we talked about studies abroad and all sorts of stuffs. My sis was there too and both of them talked about some kind of disease and in which leads me to a new knowledge.



And when we were about to leave. He looked straight at us..



" A doctor shouldn't charge his/her collegues or future collegues as stated in the Hippocratic Oath "



I kept hearing his words in my ear......and I fell into sober....knowing that he would expect great things from us both....



And I really admire him for that.....







P/S : Hippocratic Oath is the Oath that every doctor must swear upon graduating as a Medical Doctor....For those who google-ed it....there are no line mentioning that, but probably they learned it in medical ethics which we'll learn in the second year of medic school.

Why doctor??

Let me share some experience that I've known from a friend when he was a trainee doctor. You clocked-in your job at 8.00 am work until lunch. If there is too much patient, then you can forget about lunch. Work till 4.00 pm then, you have tea break. Roughly half-hour break.

Then, work again till 8.00 pm. And then if you're lucky, you can go home. If not, continue on to work at night shift. Starts at 10.00 pm, and you have roughly 2 hours to refresh up. If your house is nearby, then you can go home, eat something and wash up. If not, go some mamak stall to eat and wash your face.

Continue on from 10.00 pm till 8.00 am tomorrow morning. And in Accidents & Emergency Room, you won't be able to take even a short nap. Cause got la some Mat Rempit kena accident and whether you like it or not, you have to treat him/her.

And not only that, during your working hours, you have to go here and there, and your boss gonna yell at you when you do something wrong. Yes!! Doctors do get scolded.

If in maternity ward, got roughly 40 - 60 births per day that you have to deliver. And its very tiring and standing non-stop, running here and there, just to save someone's life. Or should I say, help a person to start his/her life.


And since I know what i'm getting into, why do I bother to continue becoming a doctor?????

Its because the honor of savings ones life does not match any other job. The gratitude that you would get, not in terms of money, in which not really the main reason I want to become a doctor. Sure, money is a factor, but I see it more of like a bonus.

The main factor is the respect that you would earn. Doctors are the most respectful job. It takes your time and effort. Sacrifices that has to be made. I hope the community understands what does it takes when a person becomes a doctor. Not entirely see his pocket money or house or cars.

The respect earned is what kept a doctor motivated. To continue on serving to the community with little reward in return.

Sure some of you would say, "I pay him what....so what???"

But do you know that, it is a small price to pay to save your life.

Change your perception towards doctors and doctors-gonna-be. Cause it takes courage and strength to continue on when you know you gotta sacrifice a lot.

Waterworld

I was at the A' Famosa Waterworld in Alor Gajah the whole day today. It was another family activity since my sister is here back in Malaysia. It was fun and tiring at the same time.

I played the water roller coaster ride. It was thrilling!!! The ride used a "pelampung" and got two seats. And i took the front row and my sis at the back. I was really excited.

"Rasanya best tak kalau naik ni???" I asked to my sis.

"Confirm best. Nak try? "

So, the both of us climbed the hill and then climbed the tower to get to the starting point of the ride. And there was a platform to put your "pelampung" and we quickly slotted ours.

And the funny thing is, it didn't move!!!

"Apasal tak gerak nih???? " I asked

"Entah. Mungkin exceed weight limit kot"

"Arghhh....Kecewanya!!!"

Suddenly got two guys came behind us and started to push our ride down. However, it still won't move....Hahahahaa...And so i stood up and pull the "pelampung".

And then, we were off!

During the entire ride, I actually witnessed one of a physics concept. Inertia! We were extremely fast. And my sis keep shouting

"Inertia!!"

We almost went 360 degrees, a full circle in the ride....and luckily nothing really happened to us. I was gripping the handles with all my strength....and I'm sure my sis did the same.

After we finished, my mum was waiting at the end of the ride. She said..

"Dah agak dah...Ni mesti kau punya sebab banyak air memercik dari paip tu."

=.=

And then I rested at one of chairs in the waterworld. I was relaxing but I could not help to notice a cute, young boy besides me with his parents. He was approximately 3 - 8 months old.

He was staring straight into my eyes and so was I to him. There were somehow a connection between me and him.

I realised I was exactly around his age when I last come to that place. And 17 years later, here i am again. I looked straight at him and I pictured myself when I was his age. I couldn't help to wonder, how did I manage to survive? How did I achieve success? How did I be the man I am today?

I still remembered some of my childhood memories when my mum asked me what do i want to become when I grew up. I was 5.

"Adik nak jadi ape bila dah besar nanti??"

"Tak tahu."

"Mana boleh tak tahu. Mesti ada satu benda yang adik nak jadi punye"

"Haaaa....nak jadi Dinosaur!!"

"Nape nak jadi Dinosaur????"

"Nanti boleh jadi Barney"


Hahaaa.....how could I even think of becoming a dinosaur? It is still the joke of the family....


We went home and i was completely exhausted. I fell asleep soon enough.

I think I dislocated my knee-cap when i fell down in the pool. Or probably cracked my patella bone. Not sure though, cause its very painful when I want to stand up. I can still walk but its very painful. I'll leave it for few days. If its still painful, then I'll go X-ray it.

That's all for today.

For better or For worse

Have you ever wonder that whatever that you do today would be meaningless and it would simply turn into a memory in which none would remember it?

Your actions today which seems important to you right now might not be that important to you later on?

Decisions that you made today would be turned into nothing in the future? Nothing that significance at all....

Principles that you have been living on all your life would seem to fade away.......and vanished?

Dreams that you had tried your very best to accomplish but only turned into a lost cause??



Then why do we even bother to decide? To act? To dream? and most important of all to LIVE our lives??

It's because we are constantly looking forward for a change....If we were to decide something today, then tomorrow we would decide on other things. And yet, the decision that is to be made tomorrow is even harder that what you have decided today.

If we were to act on something, and tomorrow or later, you wouldn't remember it.....Its because that we have better things to do and everyday is a blessing that we are still alive and can carry on our duties. And each of our act would carry a significance, not to everyone but Someone!

If we were to dream and keep pursuing our dreams, then we are not living in reality. Yes, it is good to dream because the best thing about dream is, it can come true. But in order to give our goodness and be kind, we have to be steady and sometimes give up what we want most, even our dreams.

We are all equal to one another. The only difference is that.....Do you know what you know? Do you realise what you should realise? Do you feel that you are constantly changing?

And the real question is, "Do you change for the better or for the worse?"

As for me....I'll let you decide whether I change for the better or for the worse...

Life....

I often used this guidelines in life in which i feel would help those who read my blog. Which i called it the....,

HANDBOOK 2009


Health:

1. Make time for prayer.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner
like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less
food that is manufactured in plants.
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
5. Drink plenty of water
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2008.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day. And while you walk, smile.


Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what
their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her
mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate
others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems
are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like
algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.



Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your
family and friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Always speak the truth even if it leads to your death.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:

40. Smile for yourself when you read this cause its the new beginning of you ! (^_^)

Happy International Woman's day

I know that it was yesterday but i havent got the time to post. So today, i would like to wish Happy International Women's day firstly to my :-

Mom, who is always got my back through good and bad times. Always been there for me. Your undying Love has been driving me to success.

Sis, who encourages me to be the best in any field i venture into. Even if it seems that there is no hope at all.

Ladies of MD41, who always been helpful to me.

Ladies that i've met. Anywhere whether family or friends.


I would like to THANK YOU for giving impacts in my life which others can't. You've been apart of my life and will always be. Thanks a million times.

You complete me ^_^

Freedom

A world without border...What is there to find?

Dream?

Is that what freedom all about? Able to dream freely?

Express?

Is that what freedom all about?
Able to express your feelings freely?

Love?

Is that what freedom all about?
Able to love everything that we want freely?


If that is your definition of freedom, then you can never have your freedom. In this world of hatred, none of it matters. You just follow rules of corrupted leaders without question.

Then, in the end, what is there left to find?

More hatred.

There would always someone that would restrict your freedom. Why? Why are they doing this? Why are they holding us back like we are merely a tool for them?
Parents, teachers, friends.....


It simply because they cared. If a person keep asking you where you've been, its because they worry about you.

Their intention are noble and kind. Why are we treating them the opposite?

Love them, Cherish them, and Appreciate them. Because they are the ones that make up who you are now!

To love or To hate?

Honestly speaking, I've never been in love. So don't talk that kind of love

The word love that i wrote here is regarding feeling easy with the company of a person.

Each time we meet someone new, we tend to start make a choice. Whether to LOVE or to HATE. But little that we know about our new friend. Is it fair 4 us to choose?

Of course it is fair, its your life, you pick what you want....

However, its best for us to start knowing the person first before any decision is made. Its remarkably better because you see their true colours.

Life is yours.....you make the choice....and for that, I wish you good luck!

We'll make a better day, just you and me

The nature is mesmerizing. The green of the forest, the blue of the sea, the fresh smell of sea breeze, the soft white sandy beach.

Send our heart to nature and show that we cared....Because our lives would be stronger and free.

And the truth is, love is that all we need....

because,

We are the world,
We are the children,
We are the ones who make a brighter day,
So lets start giving.....

There's a choice we're making, we're saving our own lives
Its true we make a better day,
Just YOU and ME



Nature has always been there for us....And what do we give in return?

I'm Ready!

Now I'm ready,

to be,

extraordinary.....

(^_^)

Responsibility

To let everyone statisfied....i'm willing to sacrifice some of my time and energy just to please everyone. But I have my limit, there'll come a time when i would stop being kind and start to change. But that time hasn't come yet.

Responsibility would arise once you take hold of a position in a group. To take that responsibility would require courage and endurance. That same responsibility would make you mature enough to face this cruel world. The world has never been fair to us...What makes us think that it would change once we working later on?

Yea..people said none of this matters right now, of course they don't. You wouldn't realise that yourself have become more responsible than before. It is instilled within you slowly....It takes time and patience. Great deal of patience.

So start to take charge now! Don't be afraid and just show your true colours. And people would follow your lead.....

Emptiness

Have you ever felt empty in your heart?? The world seems to stop and doesn't care about you anymore? Your existence is of no significance at all either to anybody or to the world?

Have you?

I'm sure some of you had felt like I did....Living in shadows....It has always been one of my principle to lay low until the moment comes, moment to shine....

Its between that moment is what very agonizing to me...

The pain is something that most people would try to avoid.....but I have no choice. Let it be this way...

Even with lots of friends....most of them are not real friends.
Even with lots of friends....I still feel very much lonely
Even with lots of friends....Only few had cared for me
Even with lots of friends....None of them really knew me
Even with lots of friends....None of them knew how I feel
Even with lots of friends....None of them knew what I need
Even with lots of friends....None of them had really helped me with their heart
Even with lots of friends....None of them wished the best for me
Even with lots of friends....None had encouraged me to be the best
Even with lots of friends....I feel I have only few


The question now is...Which one is my real friends??
Well, I let you answer this question....And i hope you would answer " I am "