Updating! :)

Hi everyone! It's been a while since I last post anything! Memang takde orang baca pun =.= Well, anyway, what I wanna talk about on this post is more about me flying somewhere.

Truth is, I really don't know what I'm feeling! It's enjoyable that you're going somewhere, but it sucks when reality struck you hard; you gotta live there alone and start new! -.-" But I guess I'll be making new friends and more adventures for me! Hey! That's not pretty bad!

I would love to find an adventure there! Easier said than done right? Haha...Who knows, all that I do over there might just be sitting in my room with my books and my laptop once in a while!

But I do want to have a story to tell to my future children! (InsyaAllah, bila dah kahwin laaaaa). Wouldn't it be nice to share with your loved ones?

Hmm...it's almost time! I only have few days left! I dun pack anything yet! Checklist pun tak buat! Visa pun tak siap lagi! -.-

This is going to be hectic soon! I can feel it :(

Oh great news by the way! I got myself a home dah kat sana! Address nya! Rahsia :) But it's kinda far from the university. I guess I'm gonna buy a bicycle there. I wonder if I can still ride a bicycle :)

Hmm...I've heard stories abt that place! Let's just see how true they are, shall we? Or perhaps...I'll find out and post it back here! :)

Nonetheless, I'll be far off somewhere soon! It's nice to know there are friends who are eager to know where I'm heading to! :) And some friends who wish me luck there. Oh yeeeeeeeah! I'll be needing it a LOT!

Okay! That's about it! Till next time :)

Oh yeeeeeeeeeahhhh! Before I forgot

SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI

Forgive my Harsh words....Forgive for any of my wrongdoings to whoever you are :)

Beyond every hardship, there's candy :)

It was only few days ago when Pyan, Roni and Ainna flew to Melbourne to further their studies. Back then, I saw pyan's status.....My last day at Home. I fell into a sober...

I was happy for being able to fly. Who wouldnt? A sponsorship to study elsewhere in the world. Just the thought of that excites me! I was happy till I saw pyan's status abt his last day at home.

I love my parents and my family. I'm nothing if without them. Who is a man if not his father's son? It's just that I never thought it would be this hard. Seeing my sister flew away two years ago, I thought it would be a breeze for me to fly off. Heck! If she can do it, so can I!

But clearly it wasn't easy. It wasn't easy to have your heart fill with worries and uneasiness of what's happening at home. It wasn't easy to start a life somewhere without a family which is living almost 8000 miles away :(

I lived a happy life all this while. I guess its about time I taste hardship and experience life's most valuable lesson; Continue on Living no matter what. My parents are counting on me and I would try not to let them down. With this in mind, I know I can make it through...

Beyond the hardship of life, there's always candy :)

Closing down......Mayb not?

Alright guys. It has been two years now for this blog. There are sweet times and there are bad times. Honestly, when I opened up this blog it was just for KMS. Now that its over....I guess this blog shud end up over too.

But....

I think there are rougher and tougher roads ahead of me. And my best days are yet to come. So, heck! The blog stays....(This is also to jaga hati Abg Amir who apparently reads this blog!)

Well, results is coming out next week and I'm starting to be nervous. Oh hell, when its exam time....you can pretend like nothings wrong but the results would show that something's wrong. Hmmm.....scary, tense, nervous, anxious.....What else to describe this feeling?

I dun want to talk more about it. It'll just gives me headache. So pray for me, and for batch 4 IB KMS. Pray that we all be able to fly and make our teachers, parents proud.

An ending of a beautiful chapter...

Endings are hard. You can just pop out any beginnings but the endings are just impossible. You have to tie up all loose end and somehow there would be something that you'd missed.

Well, I guess this is an ending of a beautiful chapter.

I remember vividly two years back, on 24th of June 2008, when I first set foot in KMS. It was horrible! Every single cell in my body wants to run away! I even thought of staying in Klana Resort during my two years study here and take a part-time job in MaryBrown Centre Point to pay the bills. Smart eyh?

Well, that didn't work out. As much as I want to run away, I still have to go through this chapter of my life.

Two years ago...

"Hmmm.....is this a college? Its more like a military hostel. Why didn't I get Taylor's or KYUEM? Why must I get this college? This college is so terrible! The stairs in the academic block is like Hogwart's! Exactly like in the Harry Porter's, minus the moving stairs. Even that could be awesome!"

A long sigh came next. My brother looked at me and couldn't understand the feelings I had. No one did. I guess its just too hard for an ordinary school boy like me to suddenly move into hostel. But there's always a first!

"Belajar rajin-rajin! Kalau rindu, nanti mummy datang, ok?"

I nodded though deep inside I knew I don't like it here at all. I wish I could drive from Melaka to Seremban and back everyday!

"Mummy! Kalau titi (my name at home :D) tinggal kat Klana boleh?"

"Banyak cantek kau!"

"Alaaaaa...titi kerjalaaah...Bukannya sedut duit mummy daddy je"

"Jangan mengada! Ni kan best ni! Ramai kawan. Ramai perempuan"

"Perempuan? Apa kena mengena?"

We both chuckled. I knew she was trying to cheer me up. She knew I'm not familiar with hostels. Deep inside, I was still sad and troubled. Not to be able to sleep on my comfy bed and the chilling air-conditioner....What am I going to do??

That night, my mom called.

"Titi! Makan camne?"

"Boleh je. Tapi kalau dapat yang dari Melaka punya lagi best!"

"Hahahaaa....banyak cantek!"

"Handsome! Bukan cantek"

"Yer la. Anak mummy mana yang tak hensem!"

"Weeee!"

As much as I miss her, I guess she miss me even more. I realise from her tone of voice. She sounded sad. A tone I have never heard before. Never in my life. I guess I'm not the only one suffering.

This was two years ago. When my life in KMS had just begun. And now, I'm at the precipice of this IB programme. Many things has changed. I was wrong. I shouldn't have judged KMS for its place but for the people that made up KMS. The teachers, and the students. I have never experience such bonds before.

There's so much sweet memories here in KMS. The college might not be much, but trust me....the people in it is all there is about KMS.

During our mentor-mentee program, my mentor, Pak Lan, said

"Trust me! When you leave KMS later on, you'll miss this hell-hole"

I never believed him but I guess now I owe him an apology for that. I truly am going to miss KMS especially the people in it, now that it'll be gone.

Well, we all miss things when they are no longer in our hands don't we?

We only part to meet again....Goodbye KMS! I wish to meet you again. Till then....Thanks for everything.

THE END

Closer...everyday!

Assalamualaikum W.R.T and A very good evening.

Dear Readers,

I want you to know that I would be stopping my blog for a while now. There isn't much posts lately and I've been busy with my studies and all.

Plus the fact that my time is running out.

I would not close it down because I want to continue when I have the time.

Day by day....Times running short. I just hope I can make it. Pray for me and pray for others as well. My final exam is close. Pray for my success and InsyaAllah I will pray for you too.

To Fiona! Drink water everyday! I might not be able to tell you everyday now, but I will remind you once in a while. Don't forget to study as well!

THE BEST OF LUCK TO IB BATCH 4 FOR THE COMING FINAL EXAM. MAY ALLAH BE WITH US!

Amiin!

Thanks! For reading and for your support! :)

Damn...

Why is this happening to me???????

What have I done??? What have I done wrong?

I hate it when there were hopes and dreams....and it was shattered just like that. Why can't you even say why? What is wrong? I just want to know! At least tell me why!!!

DAMN!!!

Friends : Me & You...

I have lost friends....and I have gained new ones. Each lost is a dear friend, but sometimes I had caused the lost.

At times, I want to turn back the time and just stop myself from causing it, but I'm not in the power to do such. So, why am I whining here?

I just want to apologise. To those that I've been ignoring, trust me that I'm not ignoring you because of your weaknesses or your history or your mistakes towards me. When the day comes, I will tell you why I did it. I just hope that I'm strong enough to tell and you'll forgive me for it.

I cannot say how much I miss being a good friend to you. I may seem like I don't care but trust me, deep down I miss it. That person reads this blog once in a while. If that person reads it, I hope that person realise that I'm talking about you.

Its been a while my Friend....But it won't be anytime soon before things get back as they were. At least not until IB ends...

Till then, I hope you understand....

P/s : I hope you know that the Mitotic Orange is for you... :D

Happy Belated Birthday Daddy (A kiss for my Father)

It has been 5 days since my Father's Birthday. I hadn't had the free time to write an entry for him. I thank God that my Father lives yet another year. I'm sure you guys have read the entry before this. I love my Father and my family a lot. On the day, I recalled an incident which also made me cry every single time I remembered it.

The air was cold and the night was really quiet. Only the TV was on and I was sitting beside my father's bed. Having a corporate insurance, my dad was admitted to a single bed ward. Though sounds nice, but it wasn't close to comfortable. I was sitting on the sofa, gazing through the glass window, overlooking the buildings outside.

My dad and mum was sitting side by side on the side bed. They were whispering something of which I couldn't catch what it was. My brother was sleeping right beside me. I remember the room was gloomy. My dad had to undergo an operation, and being sick before(the one that he was admitted into ICU), his risk was 5 times higher than the usual operation. I convinced my dad to undergo the surgery and I'm certain that it will improve his health.

He turned off the TV and the air was still. No sound was heard, not even a sound of breath. The room was really quiet...

"Ti (A name that my parents call me), come here" My dad said....

"Yes daddy?"

"Come and sit down. Grab a chair will you?"

I followed his intructions and took a chair and sat right in front of him. Beside him was my mum. I couldn't tell what was it all about, but I guessed it wasn't gonna be a fun talk.

My dad took out a notebook and a pen.

He asked me to write down whatever that he's saying. And when he started to talk, I was shocked!

My dad was asking me to write his will. I wasn't prepared for any of this. I looked at my dad, seeking for a truth or perhaps a certainty in his eyes....but it seems he hid it well. I knew he was devastated and I too was devastated.....

All I wanted to do was to hug him and kissed him at that time. I wanted him to say that he will make it out of the surgery. I wanted him to tell me that everything is gonna be fine. That he will walk out one day out of the hospital, and I'd laugh to his jokes. I wanted him to tell me that he'll be there when I graduate from college. I wanted him to promise me that he'll be okay...

But he never did. He kept on talking. And I kept on writing. As I wrote, my heart was broken. It was only days after my eighteenth birthday and that night my dad said "I want you to take care of the family if anything were to happen to me. I want you to be a leader. I want you to guide this family as you did when I was in the ICU. I know you can do it. I know you will do it"

As a child who barely turned 18, I was crying inside. A burden to bear as a leader of a family. How do I even know where to start? My dad once told me that you'll know what to do when you're ready. But am I ready? Will I make it? Will my family prevail if anything were to happen to him?

He's the heart and soul of the family. He's the pillar that we all hang on to. If he's broken, I'll be the one to replace that pillar. But am I strong enough to uphold the burden?

When we were finished, I stood by the glass window and cried. I don't know whether my dad heard me or not but I sure was crying silently. I couldn't count the number of times I cried for my dad. Each time remembering all this could bring me to tears.

I never slept that night. I couldn't. The room was really quiet. Everybody's sleeping but I wasn't. I stood by my father's bed. He was fast asleep.

I examined his face, never wanting to forget his looks if anything were to happen to him. I came up close to him and kissed his forehead. I even hugged him thinking that it could be my last hug for my father. There was this feeling of the uncertainty that really frightens me. Tomorrow is a mystery, and it will forever be that way.

I sat back on the sofa, reminiscing all my sweet memories with my father. As I glanced outside the window, I fell into a deep sober. Will everything be ok tomorrow? That's a question that kept me awake all night long....


The reason I wrote this is to tell you guys what I've been through as an eldest son. It was tough and it never was easy. I'm grateful to Allah S.W.T for giving me this test of faith. For without it, I wouldn't have know the true meaning of family and responsibility.

I am most grateful to Allah S.W.T for giving my father a second chance of living. Syukur Alhamdullilah....

Kisses for my Father

A year ago :



Pak lan walked into the class with a piece of paper in his hands. He came in and greeted us as we greeted him. He held up the paper and said :



"I want you to do these assignments during your one-month semester break. First assignment, kiss your father in the forehead. Alright, some people might not have the courage to do so, but I'd understand. I, myself couldn't have the courage to kiss my father on the forehead. Only after 10 years I mustered enough courage to do so. However, there was no reaction from him (He chuckled). So, I hope you guys can do it. It's okay if you bail out in the middle of the way. After the holiday, I'll ask each and everyone of you to write about what happened while doing these assignments."



Present day :



Pak Lan entered the class as usual, right on time. He came with a bundle of paper in his hands. Slowly, he called names each and everyone. After that he said :



"This is the essay that I asked you to wrote and I promised that I'd return the essays to their respective owners after a year. And now, I'm keeping my promise. Let me ask you this, do you find it weird to know that you're the one writing this? Would you have enough courage to do the same? Is it what you did was only because of the assignment that I gave to you? Let me give you 10 years and do you think you can the same as you did last year?? It is every father's dream to be kissed by his children. Though he did not express his reaction, but deep down in his heart, he'd feel all the things that he done was worthwhile."



Deep down in my heart, I was thinking. I think it's about time that I tell everyone what happened during the 7th of November till 13th of November. I was absent from college for a week(the week before exams). It's the least that I could do after hiding the truth from everyone.

My dad had this business trip in Laos. He was supposed to be there for just 3 days. I remembered the evening that I called him before his flight depart. We talked and I told him have a safe journey....What I wasn't aware was it could be my last talk with him....

After the third day, he returned to Malaysia. Within 2 hours after reaching home, he got hospitalised immediately. He got pneumonia, pulmonary oedema, lung infection and a major heart attack. He had only minutes left if we weren't hurry...I never stop blaming myself...And I can't find the reason...And till today I'm still blaming myself for it....

I remembered as my father was in the Emergency Room, my mom was sobbing and I couldn't help but to shed tears as well. My dad was half-dying, and my mom couldn't accept that fact. I never stop blaming myself....for not able to do anything...

The doctor is a close friend of mine. She told me that they need to be quick if my father was going to be saved...My dad was immediately warded in the ICU.

That night my world was dark. To tell you the truth, I wasn't afraid of death anymore. I was more afraid of the death of my loved ones rather than the death of my own. Dying seems a lot easier than facing what I had to faced....The uncertainties of the future...

I remembered clearly that as I walked into the ICU room and found my father unconcious....I cried my heart out in front of my mom and my brother. It was the first time ever I cried that hard....It was the first time they saw me crying....I couldn't help it to see my father lying so lifeless on the hospital bed.

I called out his name and there was no reaction. No noding...No shaking...not even a blink....

I walked to his side and bent over to kiss him over the forehead and said "I love you Daddy...Please come back...I need you now more than ever....I need your guidance to guide our family...I need you! Don't go just yet. There's so much I need to talk to you....You promised you'd come back....Please DON'T GO..."

My tears dropped onto his cheek....Somehow, I felt so desperate....I'd sacrifice anything to be with him again....

I returned to KMS because of the 3rd semester exam and it was his 11th day in ICU. I was devastated. I had to return because of the exam but I knew that I never wanted to be away from my family...Not at times like this...

As I step my foot at Gate B, I looked up in the sky and prayed to Allah give me the strength that I needed.

Tomorrow is biology paper. Books laid in front of me but my attention was far away at home. How can I answer tomorrow's paper when my heart is at home??

Suddenly, there was a buzz. My phone vibrated and the screen says "Mummy"..

Cold blood rushed to my face. Chilly fingers dance along my spine....

"Please don't let anything happen" I muttered....

A faint and distinct voice was in the phone....I knew that voice eversince I was a baby. It was my dad's.

I was rejoiced. No words can describe it. Though we could not talk much but I remember a line said by him...

"I fight in a battle for my life, and you fight in a battle for your future. Together we'll win the war"

Somehow those words inspired me and burned me with spirit and hope. I was determined to nail this semester exam eventhough I only had 4 hours every night to study. It was more than enough I told myself that time. I don't even know who am I....It was like a whole different person.

And so, semester 3 ended with 40 points. An achievement that I'd never thought I'd be able to get. I struggled hard to get 39 points in sem 2, but somehow that 4 hours was like a month's preparation.....

Do you know the joy when I told my dad about my semester 3 results? Why is it different from the other sems? Its because I nearly lost someone I hold very dear of. Somehow, I managed to lead my family in times of crisis.....and I still able to make them proud. I want to make my very existence worthwhile to them. I want them to feel proud of me, no matter where they are, or what will be...

Nobody knows how much tears I have shed while writing this post. Nobody will ever understand what it felt when you almost lost someone you hold dear. Perhaps only those who've been through these would understand.

I salute to all fathers in the world today and for the days to come for I had the chance to be like one for a few days. I led my family through times of crisis just as all fathers would do for their family. All this while I thought mothers are the most important person in a family but it turns out fathers are equally important as well.

Sometimes women says nasty things about men, but they had never been through what I've been through. They wouldn't know. They wouldn't know how important men in a family. How men would create order from chaos....How men had to stay calm and show no fear to their families when everything around them is not right...How men would have to be firm and steady when everything is crumbling around them.... So, in the end, I can only chuckle at their foolishness. Silence doesn't mean I'm stupid....

What happened to my father also taught me about hope. I once had the idea that once you're hoping, you put a halt to your efforts and starts to put rely on something else such as miracles to make things happen...

But I realise now the true meaning of hope...

"Hope is not a resignation of mind, but rather a state of mind to gain strength on whatever that we have left, whatever that had happened, whatever that is going to happen. Hope is a way to be free from fear. A man musn't give up hope but rather rely on hope to obtain the best of strengths to be free of fear"

I've learned to hope again...

Incidents of an Accident...

I was taking a stroll towards the closest store in the neighbourhood. The birds are chipping, cool breeze blowing at my face, and green colour of the trees gave a relaxation that I needed. As I was taking my time to walk, I looked around searching for any presence of cars. Clearly there was none, and I happily crossed the street.

I grab my phone in the pocket and select Music Player and it was playing songs that made my day even better. As I walked, there was a white car coming in fast from the opposite direction. The driver must have been in hurry.

So, judging by the way the driver drove, I stood back trying not to get into the way of the car.

However, as the car passes by, it tried to dodge a parked car across the street. And by that the driver sliced hard left and the car hit me.

I was knocked 5 metres away with blood oozing out of my mouth. I quickly stood up and the driver walked out of the car.

"Sorry! Sorry! Saya tak nampak awak! Telepon 999!"

I stood up but something was wrong. My ribs and legs are damn painful. I collapse instantly...Unable to withstand the pain. I screamed my lungs out.

I needed help! I needed Morphine....

The taste of blood in my mouth is unbearable. I spat out most of the blood, trying not to get choked by my own blood. The driver clearly panicked...

I took a glance at my side and saw my phone was broken into pieces.

I tried to stay conscious but at the rate of the pain, I knew I was going to pass out in just minutes. I did everything to stay awake. I bit my tongue and lips...

My ribs was killing me, I kept putting an arm across it, trying to minimize the pain....

And then....everything went dark....

Feeling down...

I can't help myself to feel down...I wonder why is that...Is it because of someone? Or is it because of things that is happening around me?

I have long search for the truth in me, and for once I've found it deep within parts of my heart that isn't opened for a long time. The part of the missing pieces.

Perhaps what I've been feeling these past few days is just a mirage....or just a way for me to run from the truth. I never actually explored the feelings that I had. I'd just played along.....

But now, it has never been more clear than it is...

Imperfection

We are all an imperfection. Is there anyone disagreeing on this statement? I challenge you to come forward....

The truth is that we are imperfect and we are created this way. How on earth are we claiming that someone's better than you if we all know that each and everyone of us is imperfect? How come his/her flaws is not seen? How come our flaws are obvious to some people?

What we see in others is what we choose it to be. Why someone is seen so perfect but not all of us is seen that way? Why that person is chosen instead of others?

When we are being compared to someone who are better than us....why the need of the moroseness?? Why aren't we grateful that our weakness is being shown to us?

I know it sucks to be compared with someone better than us. It really is....I hate it too, but does that stop me from being who I am?

Being imperfect is what makes us perfect. Our flaws made us different from one another...makes us unique....

We are not for what we are meant to be, but who we were born to be....And we are born to be human. And being human is that we should realise our flaws and accept them....That is the truth of imperfection...

Update

It's been a long time since I last update thing blog. About a week....Sorry for not writing anything at all. I'm not well for the past few days... :)

So, what is there to write here today? Let's see...

I had two interviews last week, which was very fun. I bought someone subway...I wanted to gave her a treat, but she insisted on paying.

I got two treats from two different person! :D

Played ping pong and lost 7 sets, win 6 sets....

I played ping pong against Harith (wakil kolej for ping pong)...I lost 11-8, 11-11(2-0), 11-11(2-0)....See! I can actually match up against him :D

I get to know new friends....during interview :D

I went window shopping at KLCC after interview...

Ate at secret recipe in PJ!

Took pictures of a garden of the PJ8 building....

What else did I do last week?? LOL....that pretty much it... :D

The World According to Me...

If one day I was granted the power to change the world, here are some of the lists that I would want to have...

1. The nations combined altogether and form an alliance.

2. The alliance is led by me :P

3. I'll announce that McD, Burger King, and KFC should be under the government's control...so that I can have burgers for free :D :D

4. There would be Subway for every 500m radius in major cities...so that people can enjoy the sumptuous, juicy, mouth-filling sandwiches.

5. Not to mention, every home would get at least 4.0mbps internet connection with 90% packet data transmission. Which means that if you download 1.0 GB file, it'll only take around 5 mins :D :D :D

6. Free lunch toys for kids!! Haha...

7. All militaries personnel are to sworn allegiance to me alone :P

8. I'll have so much luxury cars, that I don't know which one to look at... :P

9. Oh yeah, I'll live the Burj Dubai...

10. Or perhaps the Birmingham Castle would be my new home...

11. About a wife....I'll get to that later :)

12. I would like to build like a dome to cover the whole of Malaysia....and then put on a massive air conditioner, so that it won't be so hot :D :D

13. Oh yeah, I almost forgot...perhaps I'll give KMS some money...since they are really short of it :) :)

14. I'll tranfer the Jews into the North Pole...(Honestly, they're not doing us any good here...just my two cents :D)

15. I think I want to learn how to fly a jet fighter. Or ride a tank!

16. Last of them all....I want to have a happy family to live with....for the rest of my life :)

Headache...

I'm really tired of listening to your relationship problems....YES, I do have the reputation to save some relationships, but I'm thinking of not doing this anymore. Please, I'm really really tired of it.

Listening to your problems really make me feel that there is no such thing as a happy ending. It gotta end bad somehow. Whatever you seen in the movies are fakes! They never existed....

Life is not what about you've lost...Its what about you've already got. Let your past be the past! Don't let it linger around you anymore. That's what I've been trying to tell everyone...You are who you are right now...Not who you WERE...

I know I'm just a dumpsite for your problems...but do you consider how I feel??? Watching people come and go in my life! Without leaving any footprints....

Do you know what it's like to know them so quick and so deep...and then the next day, pretending nothing happened? Like we never talked and never met???

Hmmm.....Enough is enough! After this, I'm not going to listen anymore. Only to those I think I'm close to....The rest, you can find others that willingly to listen and to carefully judge your situation. I'm done.....


That's it for me...

Hmm...

In a state of depression...

There was a fight today...

A plate of rice was on my table. Each grain of rice was tickling as though they are shouting "Eat me!!." I took a scoop with my spoon, and slowly partitioned the rice into just enough for a bite. The food court is filled with sumptuos food and smell that can trigger your appetite..

Suddenly, there was a scream. Then, I can hear kitchen utensils falling down hard! From a distance I could saw two silhouettes. As the shadows became clear, I can see their faces....

I could tell that one person was bleeding profusely on his face....

I jumped off my seat! Rushing towards the scene of action.

There were two person fighting each other!! I'm strong enough to handle and to stop them both...because I did it before.

As I was hurrying to the scene, I could see other people just sat down and closed their ears...as though there was an annoying sound that disturb their lunch. Why can't they even help??

When I got close...I was about to grab hold one of them but suddenly! It was a girl!

I stopped! I stood there quietly! Without doing anything....

I told myself I gotta help that guy....but I just can't...

In the end, I stood there alone feeling guilty for that guy bleeding....There were another two guys that came along and helped. I just stood there and watched them...

I just can't help to disperse that fight! One of them was a girl! I can't be rough to a girl! I just can't! Not to a girl that isn't causing me any harm....

Probably she got her own reason to attack that man....I don't know. But if it was two guys that were fighting...Yes! I could have stopped them both...

But there's a girl! How could I? One thing is that I can't touch her....Another thing is that I can't possibly be rough to her! I can't grab her clothes and yank her aside! Hmmm....what should I do then? Talk like a close friend???

So, in the end...the other two guy that helped both of them. They were quite rough, but the fight was ended. They were chinese guys...Unfortunately, the ones fighting were malays....It was strange why other malays wasn't even trying to help! Its sad....

So, in the end....its just another fight...

I gotta a feeling...

It was 11 years ago, when a young small boy first enrolled himself into the primary school. It was frightening and yet at the same time was exciting.

The night before the big day, he sat on his bed wondering of tomorrow. It was a mixture of feeling.

Sad - for leaving home
Frighten - wondering about new friends and tomorrow is a mystery
Happy - for meeting friends
Anxious - learning new things



There are a dozen more that he felt that night. Everytime he gave thought of it, he got cold fingers tickling his spines.

That night he tried to sleep but it seems that his adrenaline rush was too much for him. He was staring blankly to the fan that seems to spin endlessly on the ceiling.

Once in a while his thoughts wander off to his new school.

Sadly, he wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to go to school unlike any other kids. He still thinks that he should be in kindergarten school. Yet, his age defies his intention of staying in the kindergarten.

That night he went on thinking.....went on thinking till his head hurts.

Today....it seems old habits die hard. Everytime before he goes to sleep, he would find something to think of. Whether it is a person, or an event, or an incident...there'll always be something to think about.

He would sometimes take hours before he sleeps...sometimes just minutes...but no matter what, he will give something a thought. It has become his habit for the past 11 years, which began when he was only 7 years old.

And now he's in college. Doing International Baccalaureate and in his final sem.

He's good looking though, plus charming from the inside. A guy with some sense of humour and with a lot of deep thought.

What is sad is that the only thing that he cannot resist is loneliness. Every night when he goes to sleep, one thing is a must that he gave a thought on is the loneliness in his life. Though the amount of friends that he have, he still feel he was enclosed in a cage, far away from people...far away from friends.


Many do no understand him, much less try to understand him. Perhaps only one person ever knew who he really is. But none know what he always think about.


Everyday he gotta a feeling...
Everyday I gotta a feeling...

That today gonna be a lonely day...

The Dawning Saga : The return of KMS

I'm sure that each and everyone of you are suffering the same fate as I am(those who study in KMS of course). It is less than 24 hours now that we have to return to KMS and fulfill our obligation as a student.

What's more? Its the last sem for seniors with barely 4 months to finish the course.(For juniors, you guys have a long way to go..). I kinda starting to feel the jitters. Its finally approaching to an end. It was about a year ago when I thought, IB had no ending. Part of it yeah! Such as CAS.

When I first set foot in KMS, I told myself "This is a hell-hole. I must get out of here! I will never ever want to come back here again."

I told Pak Lan the same thing during our mentor-mentee meeting. He chuckled and said "You'll miss this place somehow! Trust me on this"

True enough, he is right. I will miss KMS when IB comes to an end. I succumbed to that feeling somehow that KMS has one of the best memories in my life. Classmates, friends....all contributing to that sweet memories.

Hahaa...talking about sweet memories, there are also bitter ones. Like assignments, EE, TOK essay, IAs...

"When something is hard to earn, you'll cherish it even more." I believe the IB is the perfect example for this saying. You'll agree with me somehow on this one ;)

Anyway, the return of KMS this time is something to look forward to (I'm just saying this...not really show how I feelt though :P).

Everyone! With the courage of men! With the will of Iron! Let's do our best! For it is our future that is at stake~